The Least Anti-Semitic Person You’ve Ever Seen | HumorOutcasts

The Least Anti-Semitic Person You’ve Ever Seen

February 21, 2017

I was watching Donald Trump’s impromptu press conference last week, and I heard a young Orthodox reporter ask the President a question about anti-Semitism.

“Number one,” replied Mr. Trump,” I am the least anti-Semitic person you’ve ever seen in your entire life.”

How about that? Mr. Trump is the least anti-Semitic person I’ve ever seen in my entire life! I never knew that.

But wait a minute. That must mean everybody else I‘ve ever seen in my entire life is anti-Semitic! At least somewhat.

I came downstairs to the kitchen and my son Brandon was sitting at the table.

“Just what anti-Semitic schemes are you busily hatching, kid?” I snarled.

“What are you talking about, Dad?”

“I never realized you disliked Jews, Brandon. What have the Chosen People ever done to you?”

“What are you saying? I’m Jewish just like you.”

“Well, you may be Jewish, but you’re not as not anti-Semitic as President Trump. President Trump is the least anti-Semitic person I’ve ever seen in my entire life!”

“Dad, you’re crazy.”

“No wonder you always get three out of the Four Questions wrong every Passover,” I snapped, and stormed out of the house.

But as soon as I got outside I noticed something I never realized before.

Everywhere I looked there were people who were not less anti-Semitic than Donald Trump! My neighbor Mr. Lieberman, the lady down the street Mrs. Hershman, young Danny Feldman on his way to school, the Reisman’s dog Hymie —- virulent Jew haters all!

Now I was truly terrified. I drove directly to the synagogue, I desperately needed to see Rabbi Debbie King.

“Rabbi King! Rabbi King!” I shouted running into the Temple Building.

She heard me and came out of her office.

“Yes, is that you, Perry Block?”

“Yes, it is, Rabbi.”

“How can I help you, Perry?”

“Rabbi, everywhere I look I see ….”


“Everywhere I look I see ….”


“Why, Rabbi King, you anti-Semitic bastard you!”

The world is and has always been a perilous place for us Jews. Thank goodness for Donald Trump, the least anti-Semitic person I’ve ever seen in my entire life.


Serious Note: I realize that today Trump has put out a statement condemning anti-Semitism.  Not only too little too late, but fully indicative of Trump’s silly idea of thinking he condemns anti-Semitism by mouthing pseudo-support for Israel which demonstrates his total lack of knowledge regarding the region.

Perry Block

I am one bummed-out Baby Boomer desperately attempting to turn back the clock through parody, satire, and anything else you want. In my time I have been a puppet, a pirate, a pauper, and a king. I would have also been a pawn but I didn’t have the SATs for it, and my career as a poet was cut short when I recited “The Man from Nantucket” at a White House Dinner. I look forward to developing a relationship with the readers of Humor Outcasts, unhealthy as it probably will be.

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7 Responses to The Least Anti-Semitic Person You’ve Ever Seen

  1. Bill Spencer
    February 22, 2017 at 6:36 am


    • February 22, 2017 at 8:03 am

      Vey! And then some.

  2. February 21, 2017 at 6:48 pm

    I wonder now how many anti-Catholics I will find among the priests, nuns and congregation members next Sunday! 😉

    Oh … and Trump isn’t fooling anybody with brains enough to see through his lies and contradictions.

    • February 21, 2017 at 8:12 pm

      If Trump is the least anti-Catholic person you’ve ever seen in your entire life, I guess all of them. Unfortunately Trump is fooling his base, many of whom think he will magically materialize jobs that don’t exist anymore. What he does do well is follow through on campaign promises which address made-up problems that Trump despicably contrived solely for political purposes.

      • February 22, 2017 at 12:07 am

        The real puzzling thing is that there are actually INTELLIGENT people who are supporting Trump. I know a few of them myself. For some reason, they either don’t hear his racist, misogynist, xenophobic statements or they pass them off with, “He doesn’t really mean that; he’s just spouting off,” or, “That’s just locker room talk.” They don’t see him being rude to leaders of other countries. They don’t see him trying to silence opposition. The similarities between his election and the rise of Hitler and Nazism in Germany are staggering, but they don’t see them. I just don’t understand this!

        • February 22, 2017 at 12:35 am

          I don’t get it either. He is an arrogant, narcissistic, power-mad lying, ignorant, racist bully who is fit only to return to the cesspool from which he first crawled out of. Other than that, he’s a peach!

  3. Jim Harris
    February 21, 2017 at 5:51 pm

    Funyy stuff! But Trump didn’t say he WASN’T anti semitic, just the LEAST so inclined.

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