The “No More Meetings” Meeting | HumorOutcasts

The “No More Meetings” Meeting

March 2, 2017

You hate meetings, and so do I.

Someone keeps the minutes, while the minutes seem like hours, and you’re counting the seconds until the minutes and hours are over.

The main problem with meetings is that everyone thinks they need to say something, because it’s a “meeting”.

To discourage this practice, I suggest every time someone wants to add something in a meeting, a separate meeting is held to discuss if that person’s comment is useful. Then you vote on whether the comment can be added to the first meeting. If the vote is a tie, you hold continuous meetings until the tie is broken.

Once you arrive at a yea or nay regarding the comment, you add it to the first meeting. Then everyone jumps out of the office window together.

By the way, comments made in the special meetings that establish if the original comment can be used in the first meeting, can also be voted on in subsequent meetings. This is the Russian Doll style of meetings – meeting within a meeting within a meeting ad nauseam, until Vladimir Putin enters the room and poisons everyone.

Or, there’s a much simpler and less painful solution.

We hold a meeting to discuss how horrible meetings are.

This special meeting would ban all further meetings. We would meet periodically to reaffirm the ban on meetings.

The only thing that would be allowed to meet in the future is minds. A meeting of the minds is always good. No people, no talking allowed.


I am a graphic designer, humour writer, musician and piano teacher. And that's only during the day. At night I fight crime and hang out with my wonderful family.

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