Valentine’s Day! Bah! Humbug! | HumorOutcasts

Valentine’s Day! Bah! Humbug!

February 13, 2017

What I look like when someone says, “Valentine’s Day”

I am a Valentine’s Day Scrooge.

It all started back in elementary school. Every February 14, kids in the class would give other kids little valentine cards and we’d all get some of those little candy hearts with words on them like “Love” or “Be mine.” This was great for the popular kids. They would get loads of little valentines from other kids. Even the semi-popular kids would make out okay.

I will still eat those little candy hearts. I don’t like cilantro, but I’ll eat candy hearts that taste like sweet, flavored cardboard. If you can figure out a reason for this, please let me know.

Have you ever seen one of those kids that other kids never wanted to talk to or be seen with? If you are my age and you lived in Yakima, Washington, that might have been me. Every class has at least one outcast, and I was it. I wasn’t picked on – at least not most of the time – but my company was avoided. I could have had the Black Plague and nobody would have caught it from me. It was that bad. In the Eighth Grade, most of the class was invited to a co-ed party that, per the pictures, was fun enough to elicit a minor expression of disapproval from the nun who taught us. Was I invited? Of course not! I didn’t expect to be invited. I didn’t like not being invited, but it didn’t surprise me.

Remember the Peanuts cartoons? Charlie Brown suffered every Valentine’s Day because nobody ever gave him a valentine, including that Little Red-Headed Girl he could never bring himself to approach. I was Charlie Brown, in female form.

Every February 14, all those little cards would be passed around in the classroom, in front of everyone. Every February 14, I sat at my desk in trepidation, wondering if I would end up with nothing, even though I gave out some cards myself. Every year, I was relieved when I got a few cards from the nice kids who gave them out to everyone. If I had received nothing, it would have been noticed. I am still grateful to the kids who included me, even though I can’t remember who they were.

As an adult, it never occurred to me to celebrate Valentine’s Day, and boyfriends were not eager to remind me of it. The best thing about Valentine’s Day for me has been the candy, especially if it goes on sale on February 15. After that, the Easter candy comes out, and that is even better, because it includes Brach’s Jelly Beans.

Do I miss Valentine’s Day? No. I also have a birthday in February, and that I DO celebrate!

Kathy Minicozzi

Kathy Minicozzi is an opera singer turned aspiring writer, who lives somewhere in New York City. In other words, she's weird, but harmless. She is the author of "Opera for People Who Don't Like It," in which she turns the world of opera and its performers upside down while, at the same time, making it understandable to non-opera lovers and making everyone laugh.

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8 Responses to Valentine’s Day! Bah! Humbug!

  1. Bill Y "The Legend" Ledden
    February 18, 2017 at 7:58 am

    Every Valentine’s Day, I run through Dublin, naked and ever Valentine’s Day, the “man” sees fit to incarcerate me for the good of myself and others. Some people just want to watch the world burn.

  2. Bill Spencer
    February 14, 2017 at 8:58 am

    Roses are red
    Violets are blue.
    Happy Birthday wishes
    And Valentine’s, too.

  3. February 14, 2017 at 7:50 am

    I think the point of Valentine’s Day is to focus on love and kindness. I don’t celebrate it with flowers and jewelry but I do like it’s message. A little love goes a long way.

    • February 14, 2017 at 1:35 pm

      In that case, EVERY day should be Valentine’s Day! 😀

  4. February 14, 2017 at 12:29 am

    When we were kids, we were required to give cards to every other member of the class. So nobody went without, but it made the whole thing seem … pointless.

    • February 14, 2017 at 4:33 am

      Hah! Pointless to those who were forced to give cards to everyone and painful to the ones who either didn’t get any or only got a few!

      It would have been better just to have a little party in the classroom and give everyone a cupcake with a heart on top, or something like that — or just pass out a bunch of those candy hearts. At least the only damage would have been sending a classroom full of kids into a sugar high!

      • February 17, 2017 at 3:43 am

        I’m sure we’d have all preferred the cupcakes!

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