Ask a Terrier: Cloning Has Budleigh Seeing Double | HumorOutcasts

Ask a Terrier: Cloning Has Budleigh Seeing Double

March 30, 2018
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Dear Budleigh,

So Barbra Streisand cloned her dog? Seriously? They can do that? Does it cost a lot? How much lightning is involved? Is the clone exactly like the original dog or more of a sequel, like Funny Lady vs. Funny Girl? Could you explain the scientific process, the ethical and moral implications, and whether Barbra will come do the procedure? ‘Cause I’m big fan! So’s Chip, who’s a hound mix and very musical.

Thanks, Budleigh!
T.W. and Chip

Budleigh says:

Dear T.W. & Chip,

It will come as no surprise to longtime readers that I have a very strong opinion on this issue, which is “What’s cloning?”

Usually when faced with a controversial topic I’m not familiar with, my Giants research it by watching MSNBC then yelling at each other until I find clarity. Since they were busy binge watching The Crown, I explored the issue using SIRI. He’s this Airedale I know from the dog park.

BUDLEIGH: “Hi SIRI! Hey, nice ball!

SIRI: “Achh-ak ha-hauk unc!”

BUDLEIGH: “Sorry?”

SIRI: (Drops ball) “I said, ‘How can I help you?’”

BUDLEIGH: “What’s a ‘cloning?’”

SIRI: “Today will be warm and sunny. You have no appointments.”

BUDLEIGH: “Thanks! What about a ‘Barbra Streisand?’”

SIRI: “Your destination is in 300 feet on the left!”

BUDLEIGH: “Great! So….that’s everything?”

SIRI: “Haunk-aug achh a’han!”

More recently I’ve learned that cloning is a process used to create DNA fragments, cells, or organisms and that Barbra Streisand has aged out of most movie roles.

Two of Barbra Streisand’s dogs were cloned from her late dog Samantha, a Colon de Tulear (French for “Is this your colon?”) Samantha was 14 years old, or about 72 in dog years. The cost was $50,000, or $350,000 in dog dollars.

While the cloning process is quite complicated I’m sure I could perform it. Begin with a denucleated egg, then insert cultured somatic cells from the donor. Bake in a microwave-safe bowl for 30 minutes at 425 degrees. Let cool, then cut into identical dogs.

But is cloning right?

<strong>A biotechnology still in its infancy, cloning can produce unexpected results.</strong>

A biotechnology still in its infancy, cloning can produce unexpected results.

As a former shelter dog wrongly incarcerated with other homeless innocents I should oppose cloning. I pulled myself up by my bootstraps, often chewing off those bootstraps. Every dog deserves that chance. But frankly, cloning’s a great idea! Especially if I can decide who’s cloned.

Certainly, I’d clone one of my Giants – the yelly one who usually overfeeds me. Also that fat, black squirrel in the back yard. Just a little more practice, I know I can get him.

Obviously, I’d clone my tug-tug, food dish, and that particularly intriguing utility pole at the end of the street. What else…what else?

Oh, well me, of course! And by the thousands. Imagine great, majestic herds of me stretching to the horizon. What a gift to my Giants I would be. We would be.

But might such a sudden wealth of terriers cause my Giants to be overwhelmed, even dismayed?

Possibly. And, so?

If they need help they can always ask SIRI.

Budleigh

Read more Ask a Terrier columns.

Dave Jaffe

Writer, columnist, former Chicago reporter, humorist Dave Jaffe has written for online, print, television, and radio. Creative, clever, witty – these are traits that kept Dave in detention for most of the eighth grade. But as an adult those skills led to multiple award-winning columns and commentary, numerous published articles and essays, and even sketches for Bozo the Clown. Dave’s blog, Sleeping between Giants – which explores life, if you could call it that, with a terrier – received the 2018 and 2017 National Society of Newspaper Columnists awards for humor blogs. His work has twice been honored with Peter A. Lisagor awards by the Chicago Headline Club, and by the Parenting Publications of America.

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One Response to Ask a Terrier: Cloning Has Budleigh Seeing Double

  1. April 2, 2018 at 6:57 am

    Budleigh is so smart and he has his priorities right!



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