A dastardly plot to undermine the success of the latest James Bond movie starring Daniel Craig has been discovered.
Craig, being blond and one of the few actual Britishers to play the super agent, has been openly mocked by jokes referring to the fact that he is blond.
Nasty, subversive copies of these jokes have been sent to men’s magazines throughout the western world with the intention of humiliating Mr. Bond, er, Mr. Craig.
Examples of them are:
Why did the blond James Bond stamp his foot?
He was getting too many calls from telemarketers on his shoe phone.
Why did the blond James Bond get the number 007?
It matched his IQ.
Why did the blond James Bond have an arrow etched on his pistol?
So that he knew which end to point away from himself.
Why did the blond James bond screw up all his assignments in the U.S.?
Because every time he got in a car on the right side there he couldn’t find the steering wheel.
Why did the bad guy get away from the blond James Bond?
Because Bond had been ordered to shoot him between the eyes, but his back was turned.
Why did they have to change the name of the blond James Bond’s boss?
Because ‘M’ was up too high up the alphabet for him to remember.
How did the bad guys stop James Bond from using his poison on them?
They put it in a childproof container.
Why did the blond James Bond have a car wreck?
He attached the oil slick sprayer on the front of his car instead of on the back.
Because of the potential damage to national prestige in this incident, Scotland Yard has assigned special investigators to look into it. Unfortunately they are all blond.