Great Moments in Preparation | HumorOutcasts

Great Moments in Preparation

June 8, 2018
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President 45 on the upcoming summit with North Korean leader Kim Jong Un, “Chicago Tribune,” “I don’t think I have to prepare very much,” Trump said. “It’s about attitude. It’s about willingness to get things done.”

General George Armstrong Custer, 7th Calvary, United States Army, to soldiers on upcoming skirmish at Little Big Horn, “I’m good with whatever happens.  Don’t think too many Lakota will show up as World Lacrosse is broadcast on cable this afternoon.”

Michael Dukakis, Democratic candidate for POTUS, upon visiting a General Dynamics plant in Sterling, Michigan, “This is such a groovy hat.  I think I’ll wear this helmet while riding in a tank. It’s got to help my campaign. And I see Sam Donaldson is here. He’ll really enjoy this.”

Edward Smith, Sea Captain, Titanic, White Star Line,  “Ice warnings, schmice warnings. Ridiculous!”

Julius Caesar, Big Cheese, Holy Roman Empire, to wife Calpurnia over breakfast March 15, 44 BC,  “We don’t have much on the agenda today, as everybody seems in my corner. Meeting won’t be long, can I pick up something from the market for you on my way home?”

Senior Spokesperson, Coca-Cola Company, “We’re very excited to announce that we’ve changed the formula,  Several of us in marketing thought it would be a good idea. Didn’t really do any research, but how can an improvement hurt us?”

Henry Ford to his wife, “Honey, you’ll be so excited to learn Ford’s new line features an interesting looking vehicle named after our son, Edsel.  Management is sure it’s the car of the future.”

A representative of the Russian Empire upon treaty sale of Alaska to the United States, “We’re so happy we’ve unloaded this folly of a place to the Americans.  What in heaven’s name will they do with this oil-soaked tundra?”

Chief Engineer, Pisa, Italy, “We’re going to build this tower this year.  So the ground underneath may be a little marshy. What can happen?”

 

Amy Abbott

Abbott is syndicated on Senior Wire News Service and writes for newspapers and magazines. She's the author of multiple books, and is currently featured in "Laugh Out Loud," the first anthology of the Erma Bombeck Writer's Workshop.

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3 Responses to Great Moments in Preparation

  1. June 11, 2018 at 11:11 pm

    Donald Trump’s Motto:

    Always hire a staff of idiots to clean up the messes you make by being stupid.

  2. Bill Spencer
    June 10, 2018 at 7:35 am

    Does it mean he is or isn’t prepared to say he’s Un-prepared?

    • June 10, 2018 at 1:03 pm

      The whole thing makes me Ill.



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