Madonna: Like A Virgin or Is A Virgin | HumorOutcasts

Madonna: Like A Virgin or Is A Virgin

August 17, 2018
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Madonna: Like A Virgin or Is A Virgin

In what was described as the Miracle at Marie Calendars after a waitress’s narcoleptic fit caused a major Boysenberry Pie stain to occur on one of the restaurant’s walls. Immediately, customers began debating whether it looked like the Madonna, Jesus’ mother, or Madonna, the pop icon.

Within hours competing interests had surrounded the establishment. One local clergyman said, “I don’t know whether to pray it or give it an exorcism.” By day three, religious pilgrims and fans of the “Material Girl” had to be separated: One group chanting “Like a Virgin!” The other,” Is a Virgin!”

The incident was resolved when an unknown person commented, “I think it looks like Kevin Federline.” Numerous protestors remarked “who?” But, upon being told, “The one who was married to Britney Spears,” agreement was reached. The Kevin Federline Fan Club tried to protest the wall’s cleaning, but those two people got tired and went home.

Paul Lander

Paul Lander is not sure which he is proudest of — winning the Nobel Peace Prize or sending Sudanese peace activist, Fatima Ahmed Ibrahim, to accept it on his behalf, bringing to light the plight of central Africa’s indigenous people. In his non-daydreaming hours, Paul has worked as a writer and/or producer for shows on ABC, NBC, Showtime, The Disney Channel, ABC Family, VH1, LOGO and Lifetime. In addition, he’s written standup material that’s been performed on “Fallon,” "Maher" “Letterman,” “Conan” and “Last Comic Standing.” His humor pieces have been accepted at American Bystander, McSweeney‘s, The New Yorker, Bombeck Writers Workshop Blog, Santa Fe Writers Project Journal and Humor Times. He has won awards from the National Soc. of Newspaper Columnists, London's Blogger's Bash and Univ. of Dayton's Bombeck Workshop. Now, on to Paul’s time commanding Special Forces in Khandahar…

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