YPSILANTI, Michigan. Todd Gomes’ last day on the job for Applied Widgetek was February 1st, so today marks his first month away from people who were both his co-workers and his friends for six years. “No knock against the company,” he says to this reporter. “It was just time for me to move on.”
“You guys want to go hang out at the home page?”
And so he did, to Universal Hasps & Flanges, a company where his chances of promotion are greater, but he’s having a hard time breaking away from the old gang at Applied Widgetek. “They’re a great bunch, don’t get me wrong,” he says as he allows himself a wry little chuckle, “but it’s like I’ve gone back to my high school reunion–and can’t leave.”
“Hey Todd–I thought you left!”
Gomes is referring to the fact that his image is splattered all over Applied Widgetek’s website, and the company has no immediate plans to spend the money that would be needed to take new photographs and hire someone to revamp the on-line face the company presents to the world.
“We’re ordering pizza–Todd’s buying since he’s making more money now.”
“It’s not in the budget for 2018,” says Myron Forsch, the company’s Chief Operating Officer. “Maybe Todd should have thought about that before he quit and took all those Post-It Note pads with him.”
“See this thing here? It’s called a ‘computer.’”
And so Gomes is stuck, both in typical work settings such as pointing over a shoulder at a computer screen without making contact with a female colleague’s mammary glands, one of the more challenging feats performed by web-based employees, and in more relaxed images, such as group photos that emphasize the collegial atmosphere at Applied Widgetek.
“‘Web orphans’ as they’re called are a growing problem,” says Professor Gillian Norquest of Central Michigan State College’s Orthwein School of Business. “They continue to get virtual health benefits, and then they want severance when you finally scrub them out of your website.”
Gomes is splitting his time between his old and new employer for now, but is thinking of hiring an independent “hacker” who can spring him from his web-based captivity so he can focus on his new career. “I wouldn’t want him to do anything malicious,” he says. “Well, maybe Photoshop a secretary onto old man Forsch’s lap.”