Being Attacked By A Horde Of Blood Maddened Zombies Is Not Fun | HumorOutcasts

Being Attacked By A Horde Of Blood Maddened Zombies Is Not Fun

April 18, 2019
By

Hello folks.

How are things going for you?

That’s good.

At the moment I am hold up in an abandoned farmhouse in the Midwest.

I have it boarded up and sealed off as much as possible.

I don’t do this normally.

It’s just that present conditions demand it.

(Crashing sounds coming from background) “Aaaaaarrrrhhhh! !!!!! Grrrr!!!!”

Excuse me a moment please. “DIE, CREATURE FROM HELL!!!!!! EAT THIS TIRE WRENCH!!!!!!!”

(Crunch! Smash! Hurt!)

Ok, I’m back now.

The radio and television are out.

I’m just glad the Internet is still going. At least there is some connection with the outside world.

At least I hope like there is still some outside world.

(More crashing sounds) “Errrrrrr!!!!!! Graaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!!”

I’ll be right back. “GET OUT YOU SATAN’S SPAWN!!!!! TASTE MY SHOTGUN PELLETS, YOU BLANK-EYED FREAK!!!!!!!!!”

(Blam! Blam! “Aaaaaaaagh!!!!!!” Pain!)

OK. Anyway, I think there is still an outside world.

I am getting electricity and the Internet is working. The phone is dead though. I don’t dare leave the house.

Oh, I’m sorry. I forgot to mention that I am getting attacked by blood maddened zombies.

They have the place surrounded and have since night fell.

Don’t ask me where they came from or why.

I always thought mid-westerners where said to be friendly and accommodating. These people sure aren’t. Of course they could be from Chicago……..

I surely can’t get any of them to explain it. All they do is go “Aaaaaargh. Errrrrr!!!!!” and drool a lot. Once in a while you can get one of the higher IQ ones to say “Want brains!! Hunger! Urghhhhhhh!”

(Sound of wood splintering.) “Aaaaaargh! Want brains! Hunger! Urghhhhhhh!”

Aha, speak of the Devil, there is one of the Mensas now. “MAYBE THIS BASEBALL BAT WILL TEACH YOU SOMETHING!!!!! (Smack!!) THERE YOU BIG SLUG! NOW YOU CAN PICK YOUR ARM UP OFF THE FLOOR AND TAKE IT WITH YOU!!!!!!”

“Oooooorgh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

These things just don’t know when to let up.

There are so many of them. They must be breeding like flies.

Or however they make more of themselves.

They certainly are annoying.

I sure hope they don’t have mad cow disease…

(Sound of glass breaking) “Urggggg! Garrrrrrrrr!!!!!”

Man, don’t they ever sleep? “HEY HANDSOME, EVER MEET A MEAT CLEAVER BEFORE! LET ME INTRODUCE YOU!!!!!” (Smash) “Aaaahhhhh! Ahhhhhhh!”

I’ll say one thing for them, these things are real party animals. It’s three in the morning and they are still coming. They must be taking some really good vitamins. I had better not let down my guard for a moment.

(Crash! Splinter) “Aaaaargh! Bwaaaaahhhhh!”

“OW, YOU BASTARD!!!!! YOU GOT MY ARM!!!!” Blam! Blam! Blam Blam! CRIMINY! THESE THINGS JUST DON’T KNOW WHEN TO DIE! FOUR SHOTS IN THE CHEST BEFORE HE FINALLY FALLS!”

Nuts. I’ll have to type one handed now. Any more of this and I’ll be typing with my nose.

Phew! I feel a little funny now. I’m glad I still have you to have contact with. I can tell this night is going to be a long one.

Aaargh! What is wrong with me? I feel like I am slipping away. Errrr!!! Getting hard to tyyypppeeee………

Uuuughhhh! Hand ….no… work ….. right…….

………….

………….

(Splinter, crash, smash) “AAAAAAARGHHH!!!!!! DON’T NEED COMPUTER!!!!! SMASH!!!!! (Smash!) HELLO MY BROTHERS!!!!! ME WANT BRAINS TOO!!!!!! HUNGER!!!!!!!!!! URGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

rfreed

I am a roamer and a rambler and on occasion I find time to sit down and write something. I was a regular on three humor websites and have had cartoons and mostly humorous articles published both in print and on websites in the U.S. and Europe. As soon as I can find the right place far enough back in the woods I will settle down and see what it means not to change addresses every six months. For some more serious reading try The Book Of Songs from Lulu.com. It is a collections of short stories about music and its interweaving in the unseen patterns of our lives.

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2 Responses to Being Attacked By A Horde Of Blood Maddened Zombies Is Not Fun

  1. Roger Freed
    April 20, 2019 at 8:48 am

    Who care?
    Only brains matter now.
    Yum!

  2. April 19, 2019 at 11:25 pm

    Worst of all, the zombie apocalypse tends to lower property values.



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