BOSTON. At first, the collective murmur at the Union League Club here was just a low hum, but as it grew it drowned out the noise from the HVAC blowers over the twelve indoor squash courts. “He’s running,” came the word from one player wearing a red, white and blue sweat band on his head.
Weld: “Did I vote for myself? No, I have hired help for that.”
“Really? Super!” came the reply as a pair of players exited court number 3, a few minutes after the bell signaling the end of their time.
The news that caused such a nuanced stir in the shabby genteel halls of this 165-year-old men’s club was the announcement by William F. Weld, former governor of Massachusetts and avid squash player, that we would run for President in 2020 as a Republican, challenging incumbent Donald Trump.
“I think it’s terrific,” says long-time club member Asa Wharton III, whose great-great-great-great-great grandfather was one of the founding members. Is that, this reporter asks, because of the tacky vulgarian who sits in the White House today?
Gillibrand: “Your drop shot was a dink, you dink.”
“No, no complaints there,” he replies. “It sets up the possibility of all-squash presidential race.” he says, his face beaming. “It would be like a fun, private tournament that we invited the rest of the country to watch!”
Wharton is referring to Weld’s distaff counterpart in the Democratic Party, Senator Kirsten Gillibrand of New York, a “closet squash goddess” according to Vanity Fair magazine, who is also running for the highest office in the land.
Gillibrand, consoling loser: “Just a few generations more practice, and your grandchildren may be able to beat my great-grandchildren.”
Squash is an indoor racket sport in which a rubber ball is struck against walls, with a metal rim lining the front of the court that marks the minimum height above the floor that a ball must hit in order to avoid being treated as a “dink,” a term that refers to socially undesirable types who are “black-balled” from club membership. The game was invented either at British private schools known as “public” schools to confuse commoners, or in debtors’ prisons, which are much the same thing.
As governor of Massachusetts, Weld was suspected of neglecting his gubernatorial duties in order to sneak in mid-day games, a charge he challenged his detractors to prove. “Those guys are strictly from racquetball,” he said, referring to a similar but déclassé game that uses short-handled racquets and a much bouncier ball. “They couldn’t get into my squash clubs with a crowbar.”