The McDonald’s Corporation announced yesterday that its scientists have developed an oral, lard-based vaccine for COVID-19 that is 99% effective, surpassing the efficacy of the Pfizer and Moderna formulations. According to McDonald’s CEO Chris Kempczinski, “the vaccine works by shutting down all the veins, arteries, and capillaries that transport the virus throughout your body. Those roads will be CLOSED, baby! At McDonald’s, it’s all about the science.”
Until February 1, the vaccine will only be available at McDonald’s franchises in Alabama, Mississippi, and Georgia. Doses will be offered free of charge to customers purchasing a Quarter Pounder with Cheese, large fries, and an extra-thick chocolate shake.