Haiti Declines Trump Offer to Become President, Says It Has a Headache

Using a strategy that has worked well for Melania Trump since 2006, Haitian officials told the former U. S. President that their country “was not feeling well right now,” and would like to put on hold his offer to become the Caribbean nation’s President-for-Life. 

Trump responded that he “totally understood.”  He just wanted all Haitians to know that “I love you people.  You’re a great, great people, much better than the Americans.  If you could only attract more tourists, your country would be beyond great.  I can build you the best golf course ever, along with a hotel so luxurious that all those sheiks in Abu Dhabi would poop their kaftans when they saw it.  Take care, and I’ll be back in touch in the fall.”

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