National Academy of Sciences Establishes “Hawley Threshold” to Measure IQ Level of Absolute Zero

Missouri Senator Josh Hawley, who plans to object to the 2020 Electoral College results when Congress meets on January 6th, will soon be associated with a major advance in the domain of the cognitive sciences.

In a press release yesterday, National Academy of Sciences President Dr. Marcia McNutt offered the following statement:

“The scientific community has struggled to measure intelligence in an accurate and culturally fair fashion for well over a century.  A major challenge is establishing the IQ equivalent of temperature’s absolute zero: the level at which brain-wave activity is clearly discernible, yet there is no display of the type of coherent thought that would indicate the presence of a sentient human organism. 

“At long last, this problem appears to have been resolved.  Senator Hawley’s attempt to interfere with the Electoral College process is so colossally stupid, so monumentally ill-conceived, that the NAS believes that it constitutes irrefutable evidence that absolute zero in IQ has been achieved.  In that sense, and in that sense only, the Senator’s action has made a seminal contribution to the advancement of science.”

When asked for her reaction to the NAS announcement, Heather Gerken — Dean of Hawley’s alma mater, Yale Law School — commented:

“Our distinguished alumni make their mark on society in myriad ways.  We are pleased to find that, even in his imbecility, Josh is doing Yale proud.”


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