Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to
The news, even about the US Olympic team, doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon:
Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:
Sha’Carri Richardson suspended from US Olympic team after testing positive for THC
C’mon, the only contest THC performance-enhances is pie eating.
Caitlyn Jenner wants to move homeless people to ‘big open fields,’ saying they are ‘destroying Venice Beach’
So, Kim’s backyard …?
Meghan McCain to leave ‘The View’
Look for her new show… ‘FOX and I Have No Friends.’
Free-from-prison Bill Cosby already getting offers to entertain again, spokesperson says
Rumor has it Bill Cosby is to make comeback in the all African-American Broadway production of ‘Fiddler on the Roofie.’
Porn Star Stormy Daniels just offered more evidence that Donald Trump paid to cover up their affair
If anyone is great at undercover work, it’s Stormy.
How dangerous is the Delta variant, and will it cause a Covid surge in the U.S?
All I know is, I don’t trust anything named Delta until they find my f**king luggage from 2017!
Rep. Val Demings to take on Marco Rubio in Florida Senate race
It’s the Cop vs. the Cop Out.
Sharks use earth’s magnetic field for navigation
Although, the American Bar Association still recommends members use GPS devices to be sure.
Cannabis lounges are finally legal in Las Vegas
I’m surprised, surprised they’d risk losing all that money at the ‘All You Can Eat Buffets.’
Megan Fox celebrates being bisexual in sultry Pride selfie
Calm down, folks, that just doubles the number of people who don’t have a shot …
Happy 50th Birthday, Elon Musk
Or, as they say at Space X, you’ve turned the Big L.
New York State Bar Association removes Rudy Giuliani from its membership
Pretty sure this isn’t the first time Rudy’s been tossed from a bar.
Bruce Springsteen, Paul Simon to headline Central Park Homecoming Concert
Look for Art Garfunkel and the E Street Band to be working concessions.
Large alligator attacks woman shielding her dog at lake in Florida neighborhood
… No word if the gator thought she tasted like chicken …