For the first time in its 178-year history, the American Psychiatric Association has identified an entire organization as mentally ill. In the wake of the Republican National Committee’s February 4th resolution characterizing the January 6th, 2021 insurrection at the U. S. Capitol as “ordinary citizens engaging in legitimate political discourse,” the APA declared that “the evidence overwhelmingly indicates that RNC members are increasingly becoming, in medical terminology, ‘BATSHIT CRAZY’. We urge anyone who voted for the RNC resolution to seek help from a mental health professional today. Time is of the essence. Your brain is disintegrating faster than a snow cone rotating in a microwave oven.”
In a related story, a formal statement of protest has been issued by a pile of bat shit located under the Congress Avenue Bridge in Austin, Texas — home to the world’s largest urban bat colony. The statement objects to any and all comparisons involving bat feces and the Republican National Committee. “We’re nothing like the RNC,” complained one newly deposited piece of poop. “For one thing, we smell a lot better, even when fresh.”