The National Institute of Standards and Technology (NIST), a division of the U. S. Department of Commerce, announced yesterday that it will use the intervals of time between idiotic comments uttered by Georgia Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene to officially measure the unfolding of temporal existence in the United States and all of its territories.
According to Dr. James Olthoff, NIST Director, Ms. Greene’s batshit-crazy remarks follow a schedule that is much more predictable and precise than the periods of time measured by any atomic clock currently in operation.
“It’s all about the science,” says Dr. Olthoff. “Representative Greene’s mouth appears to be linked to a cosmic timekeeping device somewhere in the universe. We don’t fully understand how this connection was established or why it works, but it does. The woman is remarkable.”
Beginning on May 1, 2022, the designation “Greene Mean Time” will be used by all federal agencies when time-stamping official documents of the U. S. government, including legislation passed by Congress and signed by the President.