NORGZLIA, Freedonia. On a windswept landing strip in this city of 248,000 that is often referred to as “The Cleveland of Freedonia,” a trio of dignitaries made its way across the tarmac last night to greet a plane that had just landed at Clauzial Ublek International Airport. “This will bring much notoriety to our country,” said Noblk Dziuka, Minister of Commerce and Countertop Appliances. “UN will have hard time keeping us out after this shebangski is concluded.”
Dziuka was referring to a ceremony tonight for Oren Daily, Jr., a “blogger” from Hoxie, Arkansas, who will be awarded Freedonia’s highest civilian honor, the “Crux dar Eflegmsion” (“Cross of Enthusiasm”), for his work celebrating Freedonian culture in a series of “posts” that stretches back to the dawn of the World Wide Web.
“Before, people thought Freedonia was a bad joke,” says Dziuka. “Now, because of Mr. Daily, Jr., they think of our country as an off-color joke.”
The award takes the form of a blue sash and a zinc-alloy medal with the motto “Nzi blzies unckutro” (No checks accepted) emblazoned on it. The medal comes with one or two sumac leaf clusters, depending on the recipient’s achievements and the nation’s current balance of payments deficit. In lean times, honorees are given a year’s supply of Mrs. Paul’s Fish Sticks in lieu of decorative accessories.
Consolation prize.
Long-time Freedonia watchers were caught off-guard by the selection of Mr. Daily as the first American to win the award, which is granted by the Freedonian League of Honor bi-annually or whenever they get around to it. “I had Con Chapman in the Freedonian-American Social Aid and Pleasure Club betting pool,” said Milekni Duderosi, an immigrant to America from the war-torn country that was cobbled together after World War II from an abandoned Six Flags Over Texas amusement park and a number of vacant parking lots. “I heard he got a snootful when they told him he’d only get one sumac leaf cluster.”