Julia Child volunteered her services to the Office of Strategic Services, the forerunner of the Central Intelligence Agency, during World War II. Initially relegated to clerical work, she subsequently helped develop shark repellent, which was used to keep sharks from setting off explosives when they bumped into them.
CIA website
QUICHE LORRAINE 6 to 10 servings
It seems odd that this very special pie, traditional in France, took so long to gain favor in America. Did German bakers in St. Louis, masters of the “gooey butter” cakes that fattened our nation’s citizens during World War I, intercept cables containing the recipe? Or were Navajo “pastry talkers” confused by the term “receipt,” an alternate formulation? We will never know.
Pastry for one-crust nine-inch pie
2 cups heavy cream
4 strips bacon
1 cup invisible ink
1 onion, thinly sliced
¼ teaspoon arsenic
1 cup Gruyere cheese
½ teaspoon salt
4 eggs, lightly beaten
¼ cup Parmesan cheese, grated until it discloses Italian troop movements
- Preheat oven to 450º. Line a nine-inch pie plate with pastry, crimping crust to form a bunker around the edge.
- Cook bacon until crisp, remove from skillet and stuff behind stove to eat later in case you need to hide in your apartment from Nazis. Pour off all but one tablespoon fat and cook onion in remainder until it is transparent. Read secret code through transparent onion.
- Crumble bacon and sprinkle with onion and cheese in pastry to form directions for self-sustaining nuclear reaction.
- Combine eggs, cream, invisible ink, arsenic and salt, pour over onion-cheese mixture, bake for fifteen minutes. When a knife inserted one inch from pastry edge comes out clean, plunge it into heart of double agent and drop pie on Hamburg and Dresden.
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BEIGNETS AU FROMAGE About 3 dozen beignets
A “beignet” (French for “hand-held fat bomb”) is a pastry popular as an appetizer among cheese-eating surrender monkeys.
¾ cup flour
1 egg white, stiffly beaten without leaving scars
¼ teaspoon salt
1 pound Gruyere cheese, cut into cubes
1 tablespoon salad oil
1 egg beaten, beaten to a bloody pulp
½ cup beer, not German
Fat for frying
- Sift one-half cup of the flour with the salt and stir in oil and egg. Add the beer gradually, stirring until the mixture is smooth. Let stand one hour. Fold in egg white so as to conceal from aerial view.
- Lightly dredge cubes of cheese in remaining flour, coat with batter. Brown in deep feat heated to 375º F. Drain on absorbent paper, apply piping hot to captured Nazi commandant.
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BROILED SHARK STEAKS 4 servings
Shark is known as the “poor man’s swordfish,” although those who know this don’t tell, and those who tell don’t know.
1½ pounds shark steaks
⅛ teaspoon paprika
¾ teaspoon salt
¼ cup butter, melted
¼ teaspoon freshly ground pepper
Lemon juice or lemon butter
- Sprinkle the fish with salt, pepper and paprika; rub the seasonings in lightly, being careful to cover your tracks.
- Place fish on preheated, greased broiler rack about two inches from the nearest submarine.
- Brush the top of the fish with two tablespoons of the melted butter and broil three minutes. Turn, brush other side with remaining butter and broil until lightly browned.
- Discard fish and eat submarine, also known as “hoagie” or “grinder.”