In response to the racial discrimination lawsuit recently filed by Brian Flores, the National Football League announced yesterday that it will voluntarily initiate a program to add white players to teams until a point is reached where the percentage of black NFL players (currently 58%) is reduced to a figure comparable to the percentage of black NFL head coaches (3% [1 out of 32]).
According to NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, “achieving this goal will be a challenge. We’ll need to expand every team’s roster from 53 players to approximately 1,000, since we don’t intend to take the unethical route of decreasing the overall number of black players in the League.
“We all must work together to deal with this problem, and I’m optimistic. There are lots of white guys out there who want to play professional football, even if it means sitting on the bench most of the time. Hell, I’ve got a slew of grandsons and grand-nephews who’d love to suit up.
“Will expanding team rosters be an expensive venture? Absolutely. But you can’t put a price on social justice, and trust me, the NFL is obscenely rich. Just look at this diamond-encrusted Rolex I’m wearing — please look, don’t touch. We’ve got cash engorging every orifice of our business.
“Mr. Flores, are you with us?”