Doggie Heaven


Why do dog medications come in bottles with safety lids? Will your dog get into them? Is the rate of dog suicide by overdose exploding?

They’re not meant for me. I don’t eat poop, diapers and underwear and then have diarrhea for a week.

Vet: He’s gone. An overdose. Looks like suicide.

Me: Suicide? How do you know?

Vet: He left a note

Dog: Dear family. By now you’ve learned the tragic news. Sorry, but you forced my paw. Leaving the toilet lid closed? I thought by following you into the bathroom 24/7 I was making it clear I want a drink. Instead, you flush the toilet and close the lid. You try going a night without a good slurp of waste water. And your shoes. I was sure that with so many of them, some had to be for me to chew. I did the math. Most of them you never wore. Those are the ones I chewed, and you still got mad.

Anyway, you did the best you could, I guess. I’m in dog heaven and it’s one loooooong urinal. And designer shoes. It’s great. I hope you learn from this hard lesson and treat your next dog a lot better.


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