It didn’t take long for the LIV-PGA merger to yield its first blockbuster outcome: the iconic Masters Tournament will no longer be held in Augusta, Georgia. Beginning in 2024, rechristened the Sand Dune Invitational, the tournament will take place in Riyadh, the capital of Saudi Arabia. The new name is fitting, given that the site of the competition will be a course composed of sand, and nothing but sand.
According to Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman, “an all-sand course allows us to save millions of dollars in maintenance costs, and conserves water as well, which are good things. The only golf club that players will be allowed to use is a sand wedge, which makes sense. There will be no greens on the course — just more sand surrounding a hole every 425 yards or so, each one clearly marked by a flag. No sand traps, obviously — but there will be scooped-out bunkers filled with pissed-off scorpions. We want to punish poor shot-making.”
Not surprisingly, the winner of the Sand Dune Invitational will receive not a green jacket but a tan one.
Jim Nantz, the longtime TV voice of the Masters, was ecstatic when he heard the news: “For the first time, I’ll be able to say ‘a tradition unlike any other’ and really mean it. And just for the record, I’ve always loved sand.”
For his part, Crown Prince bin Salman promises that “players and fans won’t find any human limbs or other remains buried in the fairway at the tournament. But if you do, please turn them over to one of our armed attendants at the refreshments tent. You’ll receive a coupon for a free Dust-to-Dust sediment cocktail.”
Tickets for the Sand Dune Invitational will go on sale in January 2024. Visit Ticketmaster for details.
It’s ALL sand trap.