The National Football League’s quest to conquer markets far beyond the boundaries of the United States took a major step forward yesterday, when Commissioner Roger Goodell revealed that the West Asian nation of Yemen will host the 2025 Super Bowl.
Goodell acknowledged that holding a glitzy event like the Super Bowl in a poor, conflict-ridden nation where food insecurity and starvation are rampant makes for bad optics.
“But look at the upside,” he notes. “A Super Bowl in Yemen will provide a big shot in the arm to the country’s economy. Indigenous vendors will be selling Slurpee cups of Coors Light for $75 a pop, and trays of nacho chips slathered with Taiz cheese will be going for at least a hundred bucks each. Moreover, we’ll be asking fans who attend the game to bring undented canned goods to donate to the local food bank. And don’t forget: every seat cushion in the stadium will be a 50-pound sack of Honeyville Unbleached Flour. These will be distributed to the poor right after the game. Let no one claim that the NFL doesn’t do its part to fight world hunger.”
Speaking of the stadium: an 85,000-seat facility will be built on the outskirts of Sana’a, Yemen’s capital city, to accommodate the event (“Another boost to the economy!”, asserts Goodell). After the Super Bowl, the facility will be repurposed to serve as the anchor attraction for Disney Yemen, the company’s first theme park designed for budget-conscious families. A no-frills day pass for Disney Yemen will only cost $15 per person, and will entitle you to look at all the rides.
Tickets for Super Bowl 2025 can be purchased from the Sana’a Chamber of Commerce, or your neighborhood AutoZone franchise, beginning on March 1, 2024.