Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to
The news, even that about the Hollywood sign, doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon:
Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:
The Hollywood Sign turned 100
… Looks good, but, personally, I think it had some work done.
Georgia election case: Trump, co-defendants surrender to authorities
Damn, the last time that many white people surrendered in Atlanta, it was to General William Tecumseh Sherman.
How Penn Gillette lost 105 pounds
He ditched Teller?
Biden’s Commerce Secretary is the latest Cabinet member to visit China in a bid for improved ties
And, while they’re at it, I have a few ‘Made in China’ shirts and the components in my Fitbit that could use some improvement. Just saying.
50 Cent questions Nick Cannon having 12 kids.
He’ll now be known as 48 Cent after putting in his 2-cent worth.
Aaron Rodgers and State Farm reportedly part ways after 12 years
For an insurance company to not renew him, you’d have thought he was playing for a team in Florida.
On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year
Until now, I had no inkling…
Long time ‘Price is Right’ host Bob Barker dies at 99
Appropriately, he made it nearly to 100… without going over. God Speed.
Ted Cruz duped by fake image of shark on flooded LA highway
In fairness, the background music threw him: Duunnn dunnn… duuuunnnn duun… duuunnnnnnnn dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnn dunnnn…
Japan’s Fukushima nuclear plant will release radioactive wastewater
On the upside, any fish caught in the area are sure to bring local sushi bars glowing reviews.
Hunter Biden’s estranged daughter to receive paintings in child support settlement
… Way less risky than a laptop.
Bradley Cooper’s prosthetic nose in ‘Maestro’ is not anti-Semitic, Anti-Defamation League says
No word yet from the folks at the Anti-Histamine League.
Australia baffled as unidentified mystery object washes up on beach
George Santos: G’day, mates.
Hurricane and earthquake hit SoCal at same time for first time ever
… that never happened before the Covid vaccines. Hmmmm …