As usual, it started in the radiation laden waters off Fukushima, Japan; the area hit by an earthquake and tsunami that carried away the lives of so many of its dwellers a number of years ago. The Japanese people there knew well already the dangers of this particular type of contamination having experienced its deadliness in World War Two, in the numerous Godzilla, Mothra, Rodan and hosts of other monster movies whose denizens had their fates badly altered by the infusion of the insidious wild isotopes into their bodies, their minds and their DNA.
Now the most recent and most scary one of all has now entered their realm as well.
TOADZILLA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The very name alone is ominous. The very name alone horrifies one down to the very ends of his nerves. Toads alone are grotesque enough. Add the -zilla to that and they become something even more odious, more dank, more rank, more yucky. They become…………..TOADZILLA!!!!!!!!! (I’lll just stop here with the over-pronunciation of exclamation marks.)
But it was not content with terrifying the residents of the Japanese shores. It stowed away on a ship headed south bound for Australia. It clung to the side of the ship pretending to be a barnacle. Upon entering Australian waters it jumped ship and swam to shore, or, to be more exact- frog kicked its way to shore despite not really being a frog but rather a toad.
Once secure on dry land again it began its reign of terror in ernst. It would sneak up to pretty girls lying on the beach sunning themselves, giving them a big slobbery kiss hoping they would mistake him for a handsome prince disguised as a rather obese toad that could be mistaken for a frog and thereby a possible Prince. But when they would open their eyes and see an obscenely large toad and they would jump up screaming and run off into the sunset. This did not sit well with the toad. It grew angry.
Pretty soon it would no longer be satisfied with preying on pretty girls. It wanted vengeance. Vengeance at being rejected. Vengeance at being despised. Vengeance at being stepped on.
It began to prey on humans. It would hop up to them and bite their toes.
Now I know this doesn’t sound so bad because toads don’t have any teeth. But it was still icky. It was gross. It was slimy. It was creepy enough to make people scream and try to shake the thing off their toe. Toadzilla hung on to them with all he had just out of sheer spite and meanness.
Although not as large as his contemporaries Godzilla or Mothra, nonetheless Toadzilla was a force to be reckoned with. He was VERY large for a cane toad and cane toads are voracious, so, if you enjoy having all ten toes on your feet keep them covered or at least out of the mouths of cane toads. Also, cane toad tadpoles are poisonous, so re-think those plans you have for munching on some. They are also prolific and pro-life breeders; a single clump of eggs can beget thousands of offspring, some of whom will as well become Toadzillas.
As though this is not horrific enough, cane toads also eat dead flesh. That opens up the opportunity for Zombie Toadzillas as well (as though there aren’t enough horrors in the world!). Just what we need! Thousands of these things descend upon us while we are holed up in a boarded up abandoned farmhouse!
One can be surely assured that with the present lust for gruesome horror movies that some one, somewhere will soon be making a Toadzilla horror movie. The only question is who will get to it first, The U.S. or Japan? Time will soon tell………..
