Three Americans Share Nobel Prize in Home Economics

STOCKHOLM, Sweden. Three American housewives will share this year’s Nobel Prize in Home Economics in recognition of innovations they contributed to traditional recipes.

Hageboom: “I wish Duane would get that dang vibrator fixed!”

Pamela Hageboom of St. Clair, Idaho, was honored for her Khristmas Krispie Squares, a variation on the traditional rice krispie and melted marshmallow recipe that features ground olive and pimento loaf, lending a “festive holiday air to a recipe that had become emblematic of formulaic thinking,” according to the official announcement by the Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences.

Khristmas Krispie Squares

Cindy Lauderbeck of Raytown, Missouri, was recognized for her Lime Jello Salad Supreme, the recipe for which uses small curd cottage cheese, mayonnaise, horseradish and gypsum to add texture to wobbly gelatin salads so that they can withstand the tornadoes that frequently sweep through her community.

“My gelating desserts withstand gale-force winds!”

Moira Maloney of Fall River, Massachusetts, was honored for her Cheez Whiz Surprise Meat Loaf, a mound of ground beef built around a can of the aerosol-propelled food product that explodes when baked at 350 degrees for two hours.

“Make all three with a double-rack oven!”

The Nobel Prize in Home Economics is designed to counterbalance the prize in “the dismal science” of Economics, which generates yawns worldwide when it is announced each fall. “Which would you rather read about,” noted Thorbjorn Jagland, Chairman of the Norwegian Nobel Committee: “The effect of trade imbalances on the body mass index of left-handed sumo wrestlers, or a creamy Kool-Whip parfait that satisfies your sweet tooth while allowing you to keep your slim, girlish figure?”

The three winners will share a prize which, at current exchange rates, is worth approximately $1.2 million dollars. “I don’t begrudge the other winners their money,” said Lauderbeck, “I just wish we had it last week when the credit union repossessed our jet ski.”

Available in Kindle format on as part of the collection “The Genteel Crowd: Being Vulgar is So Much More Fun.”

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