House Republicans Sue to Fully Open Southern U.S. Border to Immigrants

In a stunning demonstration of loyalty to former President Donald Trump, House Speaker Mike Johnson announced on Wednesday that the Republican Party has filed a lawsuit in federal court that would require the government to allow anyone who wishes to enter the United States through its southern border to do so. 

According to Johnson, “when Donald Trump returns to the Oval Office in 2025, he should be given the opportunity to start with a clean slate when confronting the border crisis produced by the Democrats.  No more half-assed attempts at bipartisan legislation.  In order to fully appreciate the need for Mr. Trump’s iron fist when dealing with this issue, Americans must know how bad the situation can get.  Trust me, if our lawsuit is successful, they’ll know — in spades.  Let’s see how the residents of Martha’s Vineyard and Nantucket like it when the only breakfast entrée they can order on their precious little island is Gallo Pinto.  They’ll rush like chipmunks with their asses on fire to erect a 300-foot titanium border wall along the Rio Grande.  And Congress will make sure that Alejandro Mayorkas, that soon-to-be-deposed Homeland Security son of a bitch, ends up managing the construction crew.”

Opening arguments in the case will be heard next week in the U.S. District Court in Washington, D.C.  Rudy Giuliani’s half-brother, Shemp, will serve as counsel for the plaintiffs.



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