“It’s the damnedest thing I’ve ever seen,” a passing motorist said after witnessing the lemming-like leap to oblivion taken by over 300 Democratic Party campaign staff on Saturday morning. “These folks were actually swimming AWAY from the rescue boats that were trying to save them. And a lot of ’em had a cinder block under each arm as they dove off the bridge, screaming ‘Better Jump Than Trump’.
Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer believes that the jumpers’ actions were “understandable, but too extreme. I think it sends the wrong message to voters who may be on the fence in this election. It could result in a lot of people not showing up at the polls on November 5th because they’re underwater.”
The Woodrow Wilson Bridge, which spans the Potomac River, connecting Maryland and Virginia, will be closed until further notice.