Seinfeld Reunion- Episode 1
When last seen on TV the Seinfeld gang was being whisked off to prison for 1 year sentences for being themselves- self centered jerks. But that is where the story ended as that was when the series ended.
No updates.
No sequels.
No special showing how they had changed after their incarceration.
Nada.
So it looks like it is up to me, yours truly, R. Freed, to bring you the long awaited sequel to the series (over 25 years later!!!!). It certainly looks like no one else is going to do it, so I guess it is up to me to take on the burden. That way we can finally have closure over it.
So folks, here it is at long last- the much awaited Seinfeld reunion!
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Jerry is being escorted out of the minimum security prison where he has been held for a year. He is talking with the guard as they leave.
Guard- So Seinfeld, just keep yer nose clean so you don’t end up in here again.
Jerry- Yeah, no problem there. I don’t want this to happen again.
Guard- Let me tell ya, you got it easy! A lot of these guys get out in five years, ten years and they go out into a whole new world. They can’t handle it. They go out and do a crime just to be sent back.
Jerry- Don’t worry about me. I don’t intend on coming back here ever again.
Guard stops, looks hard at him- What’s the matter with you? You too good for this place?
Jerry- No, I didn’t say that. I just don’t want to come back here.
Guard- I’ve seen your type before, Mr. Big Shot Stand Up Comedian! You think you are so much better than us? Get out of here! Go on, get out! (He shoves Jerry out through the gate.) Don’t let me catch you in here again! Just for that you don’t get no change for bus fare!
Jerry- Shocked at first, then says- Don’t worry I won’t!
Guard at gate has grabbed his rifle in case there is trouble.
Jerry to Guard at gate- Don’t worry, it is just a lover’s spat? Um, you wouldn’t have some spare change for the bus, would you?
Guard looks at him puzzled, then passes him some coins, then watches as he walks out to the road..
Next scene- Jerry being shown around the halfway house.
Guard opening door for dorm room at halfway house- So, Seinfeld, here is where you will be staying. Keep the place tidy, don’t pull any B.S. and we will all be happy. Got that?
Jerry-Yes sir, I do.
Guard- Any questions?
Jerry- Yeah, are we allowed to roam the neighborhood?
Guard- No, we don’t want you upsetting the neighbors.
Jerry- Why, I’m not going to harm anyone! I was in for not helping with an accident.
Guard. That is not the point. If the people in this neighborhood mug ya, then we have to arrest them and go through that whole rigmarole. It ain’t that we are afraid of what you will do to them; we are afraid of what they will do to you!
Jerry- Got that. Sounds like a fun place.
Guard turns as he is leaving with an ironic smile on his face- Oh, it is!
He shuts the door. Jerry looks around at his roommates.
Jerry-Hi guys! What is new?
Voice from a clump on a bed- Would you jerks knock off with the noise! Criminy, there ain’t no peace in this place!
Jerry stops for a moment. – That voice! George is that you?
Clump throws off blankets to show a rough looking, bearded George.
George (not recognizing Jerry)- Don’t you clowns listen? I said shut up! Do I have to get rough with ya again?! (George jumps out of bed and is standing in a hunched over, aggressive stance. He has a big tattoo on his neck and a Nazi symbol on his forehead.)
Jerry- George, for God’s sake is that you?
George stops, stunned for a moment by the familiar voice.- Jerry? Jerry Seinfeld? (He quints through his glasses.) Jerry man! It’s you! Gimme a big hug!
Jerry has a repulsed look on his face as George squeezes him. He doesn’t hug him back which George doesn’t seem to notice.
George- Man, Jerry, it is good to see ya! How’s it hangin’ old bud?
Jerry- Oh, it’s hangin’ all right…… ( He seems to be slightly in shock at George’s appearance.) How are you doing?
George- Ahh, I’m doin’ alright. They put me in here a month ago. It’s OK (his voice gets purposely louder) EXCEPT FOR HAVING TO WATCH OVER THESE BUNCH OF LOSERS ALL THE TIME! (He looks around angrily at the other bunk mates who are watching what was happening) WHAT ARE YOU ALL STANDIN’ AROUND FOR? YOU THINK YOU ARE GONNA SEE SOME HOT ACTION OR SUMTHIN’???? (They all disperse, intimidated by George.)
Jerry- What happened to your face? Did a graffiti artist do that while you were fast asleep?
George (looks somewhat embarrassed) Oh, that……. Nah, Jerry…when you are in prison ya gotta do things you wouldn’t do in normal life. You take risks, you gotta be strong, you gotta be tough and let people know you are tough. (He pauses a moment) you gotta BE tough……..(quieter) you gotta be tough, Jerry. (even quieter) you GOTTA be tough….. (sadly) otherwise people are gonna run over ya, Jerry…..so I had to be tough…….( he looks around at the other prisoners looking on from a distance. He gets louder.) AIN’T THAT RIGHT GUYS???
The other prisoners answer timidly.- That’s right boss! Yeah, that’s right. (They seem intimidated by George).
Jerry- What is with you George. And what is with this Nazi symbol on your forehead? Don’t tell me that it is a tattoo!
George looks at him angrily.- What do you mean is that a tattoo? What do you think it is, crayon? Of course it is a tattoo! It’s to let people know that I am all about the first time they see me!
Jerry- I bet they do! Of course you remember- I’m Jewish?
George stops for a moment- Oh…. uh …sorry Jerry. It has nothing to do with you….or your parents…….or your relatives……( He is at a loss for words for a moment) It is just to let people know I am a badass! It is something I gotta convey Jerry. In prison you can’t let people get you down. You gotta fight to survive and get people to respect you.It’s kill or be killed, fight or die. And believe me Jerry- I had to learn that!
Jerry- Apparently so! Doesn’t sound like prison went well for you?
George snorts at this- Prison? Prison was a hell! One has to fight every day and every inch there, Jerry. It wasn’t no kindergarten I tell you! I had to fight for my life!.
Jerry- George! You were in a minimum security prison! You’re making it sound like Angola!
George- Jerry, these white collar types can be like monsters! They come at you with all sorts of insults!
Jerry- Insults? No, you are only supposed to worry when they come at you with knives and chains and baseball bats! Not insults.
George- Well, how do I know they ain’t working up to that? I gotta watch out for number one in there!
Jerry- So what did you do while you were in there?
George- They made me the Kapo.
Jerry- The Kapo???? What the hell, George! What was the place, Auschwitz the Second? That would explain the Nazi tattoo!
George- Oh, they had me keep the other guys in line. Some one had to, and I did.
Jerry- You did. You’ve got to be pulling my leg!
George- Jerry, I ain’t the person I was before. I had to grow a lot. ( He hesitates before going on). I had to start smashing people.
Jerry- What? Smashing?
George- I had to get tough, Jerry! I had to get tough fast! Real fast! And I did. And it got me a new career.
Jerry (sarcastically)- As a Kapo. What a great career move! I am sure that will get you a good job on the outside. You could become a hitman!
George- Come on, Jerry! Lighten up! I survived, you survived! And I will watch your back here.
Jerry- OK, OK! Just don’t be breaking knuckles or something.
George- When my year was up they put me in here. I’m a manager, as they call it here. It’s just a fancier name for Kapo! And I get perks- cigarettes which I trade for donuts; a cable channel on my TV that picks up pornos, free outings to McDonalds. Yeah Jerry, it is the good life.
Jerry- Sounds wonderful George. Well, I won’t be giving you any trouble.
I just wonder how Elaine and Kramer are doing?
George- I get the feeling we are going to find out!
TO BE CONTINUED!