Present Popular Conspiracy Theories About The Cut Internet Cable.
Elon Musk personally cut the cable with his ultrasonic, multi-million dollar arctic submarine in order to get Alaskans to buy Star Link service from him.
Vladimir Putin had the Russian Navy slice the cable to weaken us for his offensive to take Alaska back.
MAGA people wanted to censor all the liberal news coming to Sitka from the God-Forsaken lower 48.
Liberals wanted to keep Sitka blue (Liberal) and free of influence from the rest of redneck Alaska.
Doomsday religionists used free divers to go down and cut it to set the mood for the Armageddon to come.
A trawler got it caught in their line and their crew cut it up thinking it was a giant eel.
The boys at the Alaskan Internet services have shut down the cable and are just pretending that it is damaged to bilk more monthly money from us poor saps.
Radical, professional free diving Jihadist extremists dove suicide dives down with scimitars to hack at the cable and succeeded (at cutting the cable, not in getting back to the surface).