In a decision worthy of King Solomon, the judge in the highly publicized Musk/Trump divorce case has declared that each party, on a rotating basis, will serve as the primary caretaker of 7 of Musk’s 14 offspring.
From January 1st through June 30th of each year, the President will oversee the rearing of Flouk, Yurt, Spawn, Tramu, Nob, Pum, and Gristle. During that period Musk will parent Thra, Phlegm, Wrell, Ooze, Meck, Placenta, and Gavin. On July 1st all of the children will switch residences, moving from Trump to Musk or Musk to Trump for the rest of the year.
“I think this has turned out so beautifully,” Trump told reporters on Saturday. “With the exception of Barron, I never got a chance to spend much time with my biological kids when they were young because I was always in court defending myself against bogus charges of sexual assault. As for Barron, I must admit that he and I never really connected in a father-son sort of way. He would just stare straight ahead like a zombie, saying that his mother had ordered him to stab me.
“It was so sad, so very, very sad. I’d try to play catch with him in the backyard of the White House or Mar-a-Lago, but he would simply stand there whenever I tossed him the ball, letting it bounce off his chest and fall to the ground.
“I tried. I definitely tried.”