Pam Bondi- Secret Agent for T.R.U.M.P.- (Terror-invoking Republicans Usurping More Power) – the super secret Deep State entity taking over the US first, THEN THE WHOLE WORLD!!!
Scene 1
A shadowy, woman figure comes into view from the right of the screen as. From her silhouette she looks attractive, curvy, sexy and……dangerous in her near leoline, cautious stance as though expecting danger. She moves cautiously, surely, confidently towards the center of the screen as though seen through the eye of an awaiting enemy. Then she goes into a half crouch, half turning towards you, whips her right arm up at the recognition of an evil presence and fires three times rapidly towards you- the viewer. The eye viewing her bloodies, waves side to side, then falls to the side as the smoke comes out of her gun. Blondi stands erect, proud that she has again defeated a dangerous assailant. The Bond music heightens, then breaks into its internationally famous riff as the screen turns to the next scene:
Scene 2 opens
Bondi appears in a sleek outfit that fits her contours perfectly, sneaking through a tunnel with a couple men in dark outfits into an underground Iranian nuclear installation. They stealthily go up to a guard, grab him and put a cloth over his face that contains a chemical that knocks him out. They then sneak in and karate a couple scientists to unconsciousness.
Bondi- “OK fellas- this is it! We finally have access to the top most secret nuclear plant in Iran! We knew that it existed and now we have proven it. Let’s set an explosive on one of them and then blow this whole part of Iran to bits!”
1st man- “But Ms. Bondi, will we have time to escape before the nuclear bomb goes off?”
She looks at him derogatorily- “Don’t worry, we have T.R.U.M.P.s super sonic secret jet gifted to us by Qatar for this mission! It will reach ear-shattering speeds in seconds and will put us well over the Mediterranean before the bomb goes off.”
2nd man- “But Ms. Bondi- won’t this explosion possibly hurt other countries around Iran?”
Bondi looks at him disparagingly- “Haven’t you learned ANYTHING working for T.R.U.M.P.??? It isn’t a job for woosies! This is the Middle East! We don’t care about what goes on here as long as it doesn’t hurt our oil supply! Who cares if a couple hundred thousand rag-heads die miserably! We have a job to do! Here- attach this explosive to that missile there and be quick!” She hands him a package that says “Acme Explosive devices. Made by the Wile E. Coyote branch of Trump Industries.
“With honor My Leader!” He takes the package and runs over to install it.
“Ok, let’s go!” yells Bondi as she heads for the tunnel.
“But aren’t we going to wait for him?” Asks the other man.
“No! It will make a better story if someone dies for his country on this mission. It will look better in the papers!” She runs out. He is stunned for a moment, then follows her.
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Scene 2 changes to a secret office underground beneath the FBI Building in Washington, D.C. Office workers are going over documents and erasing parts of them while others are adding information to them. Bondi appears to be the boss here.
Office worker- “Ahh Ms. Blondie, I have a question about something here.
Bondi – “That BONDI dumbo!”
Office worker- (he is intimidated by this) “Oh, sorry Ms. Bondi!”
Bondi- “Just don’t let it happen again! What do you need?”
Office worker- “You say we must add names into the Epstein files while taking other names out. Is that right?”
Bondi- “Yes. Why is that so difficult?”
Office worker- “I am wondering if I have the correct names that are to go into the files. This list says Pete Hegseth, J.D Vance, Elon Musk, Mike Johnson, Mitch McConnel,
Ted Cruz and……ummm… Christie Noem……Newt Gingrich, Mike Huckabee and Jared Kushner…..”
Bondi’s eyes go wide- “Give me that!” She rushes over and grabs the papers from him. “These are definitely the wrong pages! These are the names that were to be taken OUT of the files!”
She goes over to a filing cabinet and pulls out other papers and hands them to him.
Bondi- “Here- THESE are the names of people whose names we are adding into the Epstein files!”
The worker takes the papers from her and reads what is on them- “ Umm..let’s see…Bill Clinton, Barack Obama, Gavan Newsom, Hakeem Jefferies, Hillary Clinton, Zohran Mamdani, George Soros, Barbra Streisand and Franklin Roosevelt.”
“Franklin Roosevelt? But he is dead!”
Bondi- “Put him in anyway! He is the one who started all this liberal garbage!”
Office worker- “Um…OK!”
Bondi- “And keep your nose to the grindstone!”
Office worker- He gulps- “Yes ma’am!” and puts his head back to work as she leaves.
Scene 3- Scene changes to a camouflage attired Bondi is seen hacking through a jungle with some well muscled aides. They come to a sign that says welcome to Venezuela. Looking carefully for guards they slip across and are met by right wing revolutionaries who recognize them.
The leader of the revolutionaries steps forward and greets her.
Leader- “Greetings Senora Bondi! We are so honored to have you help us!”
Bondi- “No problem Jose! We have the guns and ammo that you need here.”
Leader: “ Ah, My name is Edwardonitsi, Ms. Bondi!”
Bondi- “Too hard to pronounce! Jose will do! Here are the guns and bombs you need! We hope that you use them efficiently. Just please do not bomb any oil facilities! Those are most valuable to us. Anything else is fair game- leftists, government buildings, army bases, Maduro. Just don’t let them know it was the US that gave these to you. OK Jose?”
Leader: “Yes ma’am!”
Bondi- “OK good! Just remember- when you win you can be the dictator, but Trump will be the one pulling the strings. OK Jose?”
Leader, (he looks crest fallen) “Yes Madame Bondi, yes.”
Bondi- “Good! Also, if there are any parades to celebrate, Trump gets to be first in line in it.”
Leader : “Of course Ms. Bondi.”
The scene closes as they exit into the jungle.
Scene 4 then opens again on Pam Bondi surveying border crashers coming out from the Rio Grande River. Once on shore she yells “Stop! Get your hands up!” and aims a machine gun at them. Three men, one woman and two children gather on the beach, their plans for a comfy life in the U.S. now shattered.
“OK, you criminals, drug peddlers, rapists and whore; I am going to interview you one at a time! Don’t pull any funny stuff- I got the Annie Oakley Award for target shooting from the NRA! Don’t make me have to show you my talent! I could give you enough holes for your pinto beans to leak out. Comprende?”
A humbled “comprende” came from all of them.
“Ok, mustachio guy- you first!”
The slight, tall man approaches, his hands raised above his head. He is fearful and it shows in his shaking. “Hola, Señorita; como esta?” he asks nervously.
“So, Mr. Drug Dealer, where do you think you are going?”
“Oh, lovely Senorita, I no do drugs! I run from Cartels in my village!”
“So you ran off with their money? You want to make new Cartel in America, Bubba? I don’t think so guy!”
“Oh, no, Beautiful One! I come here for asylum!”
“Asylum, my butt! Probably more like anarchy!” She shoots him and he falls dead.
The others get real nervous at this.
“OK, Jose! You next! Why are you here? To rape women? To rob banks?”
He looks shocked at this. “No Senora! I just want to make some
Gringo money to send to my parents! It is very poor where I am from!”
“Yeah, right!” she sneers derisively. “Ask me if I believe that!”
“Do you believe that?” he asks innocently.
“NO I DON’T! Would you try to rape me?”
He gets a look of revulsion on his face. “No, no Senorita! Ugh, no way!”
Bondi gets angry at this rebuke and shoots him. He falls on top of the other guy.
“Ok, you bitch!” she yells at the other woman. “ And why, pray tell, are YOU here? Are you going to whore yourself to any gringo you see?”
“No, no, wonderful Senorita! My brothers and father wait for me in El Paso! We want to make enough money to build a house for ourselves back in Mexico.”
“Hmmm…..” hums Pamela, thinking to herself. “And are these your two kids?”
“Si, Senora….I mean ‘Yes!”
“Always speak English to me! I ain’t gonna stoop to no Espanol language! You are in my country now!” She thinks for a minute. ”Ok, since you are with kids I will do you a special favor- but you better not try to trick me. I know people, including the President of the United States! Now, if you want work, I will pay you and your kids one whole dollar an hour to keep my place clean. That is a good deal! And, just to show you how decent I am, I’ll let you sleep in the attic! I’ll only charge you half of your daily wages! How does that sound?
‘Oh! Wonderful! My first day in America and I already have a job! Gracias Senora! …I mean ‘Thank you Madame!’”
“Ok then! You all just climb in the trunk and don’t make no noise until we get home. I don’t need anyone knowing about this! Just lie quiet in the back and I will unlock it when we get there.”
OK, Mrs., Thank you!” They all climb in the back and she covers them with a blanket and drives home.
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Scene 5- A jet flies over protestors in Chicago dropping excrement over them. A closeup shows Bondi piloting the jet and smiling evilly.
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Upcoming episodes of Bondi- The Bombshell Blonde Butcher will include these exciting episodes:
Dropping leaflets over Greenland announcing the coming Yankee invasion to make it out 51st State whether they like it or not.
Overseeing workers building a wall on the Canadian border.
Infiltrating Colombia through the jungle and putting LSD in their drinking water.
Piloting a drone to blow up Chinese car factories.
Organizing plans to free extreme right wing mass murderer Anders Behring Breivik from his Norwegian prison and bring him to the US to work for T.R.U.M.P..
Setting up second fake assassination attempt on President Trump.