Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to
The news, even that about Arlo Guthrie, doesn’t need to be complicated or confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon:
Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:
Alice’s Restaurant: Thanksgiving 2025 marks 60 years since event that inspired Arlo Guthrie’s song
And, the length of the actual song …
The “ShamWow Guy” is running for Congress in Texas, according to a filing with the state’s Republican Party
If you donate $19.95 to his campaign before midnight, you get a free bumper sticker … but, wait …
U.S consumers spent $11.8 billion on Black Friday, says Adobe Analytics
On a personal note: I once went to an after-Thanksgiving sale. Never again, because it’s true: once you go Black Friday, you never go back.
Trump battles tiny toymaker over tariffs in landmark Supreme Court case
I believe Santa’s elves prefer the term ‘little person’ to ‘tiny toymaker.’
Bill Belichick’s love life takes dramatic turn with nasty showdown between girlfriend and daughter-in-law
Well, his daughter-in-law is old enough to send his GF to her room without supper.
Exclusive: DOGE ‘doesn’t exist’ with eight months left on its charter
So, they finally saved some money.
RIP, Tom Stoppard
Rosencrantz and Guildenstern await …
Miss Jamaica still hospitalized 3 days after fall from Miss Universe stage
It seems she’s a Rastafallian.
Prince Andrew’s Sandringham party was filled with ‘poppers, lube and condoms,’ book claims
Poppers, Lube and Condoms … Oh my …
Happy 79th birthday, Bette Midler
This will mark the second holiest day on the gay calendar, right after ‘The Tonys.’
Starbucks closes more stores
Looks like Starbucks is now Star No-bucks.
Christopher Nolan says ‘The Odyssey’ used ‘over 2 million feet of film’ and shot for 91 days
Actually 2.2 million and 97 days, because of the tariffs.
Adolf Hitler had a rare genetic sexual disorder, according to DNA analysis
… Which, if known at the time, would have changed the Nazi salute to ‘Heil Itty Bitty Hitler.’
Walmart Ice Cream Sandwich doesn’t melt after 12 hours in the sun
… While the same can’t be said of anyone with Mar-a-Lago face …