Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to
The news, even that about the 2025 Nobel for Literature, doesn’t need to be complicated or confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon:
Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:
Hungarian author László Krasznahorkai wins 2025 Nobel Prize in Literature
Big year for László, he was also the winning word in this year’s national Spelling Bee.
Kristi Noem says Bad Bunny shouldn’t play Super Bowl
… Good thing it wasn’t Snoop Dogg.
8 things that happen when you stop drinking alcohol
Number 1: You have way more free time to smoke marijuana.
Laura Loomer testified that Bill Maher’s joke about her sleeping with Trump torpedoed her chance at White House job
… Hmmm, didn’t stop Marco Rubio …
Happy World Teacher Appreciation Day
Apparently, that’ll have to do, instead of benefits and a decent salary.
Psychiatrists call for RFK Jr. to be replaced as health secretary
… While Park Rangers want him banned from any park with bears.
50 Cent reacts to Donald Trump confirming Diddy’s pardon request
Although, with the tariffs he’s more like 62 Cent.
Mick Jagger, 82, and fiancée Melanie Hamrick, 38, make a rare, loved-up appearance at the NYC Ballet
It’s like Mick’s auditioning to be the next Football Coach at North Carolina.
Bill Maher calls out AOC, Clintons for avoiding his show: ‘Republicans show up!’
Clinton: Who?
German scientists prove there is life after death
… While comedy open mics continue to prove there is death during life.
Queen Camilla is ‘irritating King Charles beyond belief’
… Which officially makes her a ‘royal pain.’
‘It’s on all of us’: Raiders unravel in blowout loss to Colts
Face it, Raider fans, only way Raiders get to go to Super Bowl is if they join ICE.
Don’t drunkenly chase bears with hatchets: Park Rangers
The real question is who gave the bears the f***in’ hatchets …
Israel pulls back Gaza troops as hostage and prisoner release take place
Sadly, thinking Hamas or Israel is leaving Gaza anytime soon is like thinking your kids don’t live at home because they moved into basement.