Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to
The news, even that about “One Battle After Another,” doesn’t need to be complicated or confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon:
Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:
Prescient and political, ‘One Battle After Another’ is one of the year’s best films
My Review. Two thoughts: First — Holy f#%k, Paul Thomas Anderson. The dude, can make movies. Second – Sean Penn looks like Popeye, if Popeye smoked crack instead of spinach.
George Santos says he’s moving out of NYC because of Mamdani
So Mamdani has already reduced crime.
There’s only one demographic that says no to legalized marijuana
I know, I know, no wait I forgot …
Trump’s tears down the East Wing for the ballroom
Makes sense, most of it was built in 1942 as part a military wartime infrastructure construction, and he hates anything used by the Antifa.
How are Hurricanes named?
Well, they should be named after New York Mets batters; that way they wouldn’t hit anything.
Khloe Kardashian reveals she hasn’t had sex in over three years
In Kardashian years, that’s like 125 years.
Prince Andrew and Sarah Ferguson are reportedly considering “ditching the U.K”
… Just in time for P Diddy’s get out of jail party …
Happy 71st Birthday, David Lee Roth
At this point he might as well … nap.
McDonald’s has secret menu
Then, why use that crappy one?
Loose python slithers to Southern California In-N-Out
Hey, that’s no way to talk about Cleese, no matter how many times he’s been married.
No Kings protest: 7 million hit the streets
Word is, so many people showed up to the No Kings protests, Soros had to start driving an Uber just to cover the turnout.
Happy ‘World Dictionary Day’
Ironically, I have no words to describe it.
Man illegally bulldozes mile-long stretch of national park to build driveway
Mar-a-Lago’s near a national park? Who knew?
Why Kate Middleton didn’t curtsy to King Charles and Queen Camilla
… Hunch is she was measuring the curtains.