Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to
The news, even that about Burning Man chaos, doesn’t need to be complicated or confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon:
Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:
Burning Man chaos: A homicide investigation, a baby delivery and a massive dust storm
… And not to forget, with all the hooking up it oughta be Burning Sensation Man.
Within minutes, the $940,000 vessel started unsteadily swaying in the water
On the upside for the passenger and crew, it was about to go on a three-hour tour, a three-hour tour …
Diddy makes another attempt at bail
Apparently, if he works out a deal his new name will be Plea Diddy.
Trump will speak with Putin by phone
… Instead of the normal sexting.
TCU pummels UNC 48-14 in Bill Belichick’s college debut
C’mon, that’s not such a big margin … if you use Bill’s and his GF’s age difference as the standard.
Swedish politician wants people to take sex breaks from work
And so, every day becomes ‘Hump Day.’
Fox News grills Judge Jeanine on sandwich indictment fail
Well, we know one thing it wasn’t a ham sandwich.
A British Airways flight attendant was arrested for being unclothed on
a recent flight
It was actually Virgin Atlantic at takeoff and British Airways at landing.
Kevin O’Leary reveals why Americans are fleeing to Canada
Uh, because Kev spends most of his time in the USA.
Cardi B flaunts her massive thigh tattoo
Hey, Cardi, be careful with those tattoos; so, you don’t have to change your name to Hepatitis B.
Happy 79th birthday, Tommy Lee Jones
You don’t look a day over 140.
Kim Jong Un has a amazing new haircut
Well, he is a charter member of the ‘Hair Club for Mad Men.’
Trump says video showing items thrown from White House is AI after his team indicates it’s real
Maybe he meant Allen Iverson.
Cynics are at a higher risk of developing dementia
… Like anyone would believe that … What was the topic again?