The Guinness Book Of World Records Is Set To Announce Trump To Be The First President In The World To Bankrupt A Whole Country.
In Case You Are Curious It Is Ours.
Jan. 1, 2029
Donald J. Trump, Presidente Extraordinaire according to his fan base, is on sight to become the first President anywhere in modern times to successfully bankrupt a whole country. With his short sighted money manipulations, his circumventing of many long standing American offices and bureaucracies he has successfully undermined the entire U.S. economy bringing it crashing down.
With massive amounts of citizens dying of hunger, lack of housing and health care due to half-brained policies that only support the already well off, the overlooked fact that it is the working people of America who are the ones who truly keep things running is now beginning to take its toll. This negative result from Donald’s scorched earth policies and his destruction of anyone challenging his continued Presidency has ruined what was left of the American economy. This effect has even reached up into the exclusive upper class who can no longer find servants healthy enough to do the 20 hour work loads demanded of them to keep their Masters from having to get their hands dirty with common duties.
The Guinness Book Of World Records is keeping a close eye on Mr. Trump’s policies and their results. So far, it seems he is closing in on the record set by King Mutobertie of Eastern Sowaleeland who succeeded in tanking his African country in the 1800’s by promoting the external sale of Hippopotamus meat to other countries, thus depriving his own people of their main source of food. It also caused a massacre of his own hunters who were slaughtered by enraged hippos who were not keen on being made into hippo hamburgers.
Other famous contestants who castrated their own country into catastrophic cacophony were Prince Persiphery who drove his tiny country of Pertovistein to poverty by selling his peasants off to be slaves in the new world in the 1700’s until there was no one left to do the dirty work and he, his extended family and the entire upper class of Pertovistein starved, froze and thirsted to death or went mad as no one was left to raise crops or act as servants to the royals.
Then there was Mlcian Dervashovy who had the temerity to state that his kingdom of Dervashovania was going to Sovietize their entire very successful yak hair weaving industry and make it a replica of the Stalin age collectives that paid their people in potatoes. The peasants rebelled and it also didn’t help that Stalin himself was still in power and didn’t like the puny country being an upstart in the area. Sending in the Cossacks to take care of Mician helped throw the economy to the yaks.
The fall of the American economy due to Trump’s missteps was predicted by many economists who upon expressing their opinion were cast into makeshift prisons originally built for illegal detainees. They were then instructed to correct their calculations or their daily one meal of raw lima beans would be curtailed.
While Trump and most other billionaires managed to finagle their way around existing taxes and laws that shoved the burden of the government income on the every day Joes and Josephines of the United states working class, their increased poverty and having to work three jobs just to survive dissolved their non-essential income thus eliminating their time and money for leisure pursuits, as leisure became a luxury only for the ultra rich. Sports, movies, television, restaurants, bars, book publishing, music concerts and many other enterprises languished and died in its wake.
Trump meanwhile seemed untroubled by this and made Mar-A-Lago the new Capitol of the U.S., built a wall around it and declared himself emperor for life.
This went well for a while until hungered and desperate neighbors stormed the place at great loss of life and limb and ate him and his family.
In absentia Guinness went ahead and awarded Donald the honor of being the first modern leader of a country to bankrupt itself. Also the first to be eaten by his own citizens.
This will probably be the last public submission from the Guinness Book Of World Records as we are no longer able to support ourselves and are going out of business.
Thank you for your past patronage! Bye!