Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to
The news, even that about Plato, doesn’t need to be complicated or confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon. Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:
Texas A&M ordered philosophy professor to not teach Plato
… Which made a whole bunch of Texans wonder what Mickey Mouse’s dog did wrong!
Dispensary fire prompts air quality concerns in Colorado
And a run on cheese nachos at the local 7/11.
Actor Timothy Busfield turns himself in amid child sex abuse allegations
It sure looks like ‘Thirty Something’ might become his time served.
Trump: US will sell 50 million barrels of Venezuelan oil
The difference between Venezuela and Trump? One has heavy crude; the other is heavy and crude.
Despite his $2.6 billion net worth, Mr. Beast says he’s having to borrow cash and doesn’t even have enough money in his bank account to buy McDonald’s
In fairness, McDonald’s, the company, gotta cost a lot.
US obesity rates nearing all-time highs
In fact, child obesity rates are so high, photos of missing kids now only fit on gallon cartons.
Steelers predicted to replace Aaron Rodgers with $34 million former top pick
… While Rodgers is on enough Ivermectin to wind up with Colts or Broncos.
Former Senator Kyrsten Sinema accused of affair with member of security team
Well you can’t spell Sinema without S I N.
Pamela Anderson gives disappointing update on Tommy Lee relationship, feels current wife inhibits communication
Sometimes you don’t want the XXX wife around. Just saying …
Pam Bondi panics as Trump turns on her behind closed doors, reports
That’s gotta be an eye opener for Kash Patel.
MLK Jr would have turned 100 today
Although, if he had a dream today, he’d have to get up three times during it to go pee.
Elon Musk asked people to upload their medical data to X so his AI company could learn to interpret MRIs and CT scans
Unfortunately, most X users brain scans came up empty.
Study says bacon is as carcinogenic as cigarettes
You might as well write a suicide note if you have smoked ham.
Nobel Institute says Peace Prize cannot be transferred to Trump after Machado suggestion
Although, they might make an exception for the fiction writer winners.
Some really good one there!
Thanks!