Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to
The news, even that about the NY Knicks, doesn’t need to be complicated or confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon. Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:
Congratulations to the NY Knicks on being NBA Champs
And to the Washington Wizards, who already are mathematically eliminated from being champs in 2027.
The rise and fall of ‘The Hills’ star Spencer Pratt’s improbable campaign for Los Angeles mayor
Or, as it’s also known, “Pratt’s All Folks!”
Phil Mickelson removed from golf club after allegations of inappropriate behavior: Report
… Could’ve been worse. Tiger Woods could’ve driven him home.
Trump’s name REMOVED from Kennedy Center!
Or, as his DOJ would call it, “redacted.”
Inexperienced nudist acquitted of indecent exposure charges
For his sake, I hope it wasn’t for insufficient evidence.
Elon Musk now at trillionaire
The number is so obscene that the company will now be know as SpaceXXX.
Blood donors in Sweden receive a text message when their blood is used
For some the news is positive; for others it’s negative.
Gene Shalit, longtime film critic for the ‘Today’ show, has died at 100
I’m stunned, absolutely stunned, who knew Gene Shalit was still alive?
Trump turns 80
That’s 560 in dog whistle years.
GIZMODO: research subjects wore a smart fart wearable for three days
To quote Jumpin Jack Flash: I hear “it was a gas, gas, gas.”
Vanilla Ice says he’d perform in Iran
… Although, he might need to use the name Vanilla Isis.
An Everest guide’s miraculous survival raises questions for tourism industry
People need to get high the old-fashioned way … drugs!
Lauren Boebert curses out FOX reporter who asks about alleged affair with Thomas Massie
… That’ll teach Massie to sit next to Boebert.