The Tale of Mr. Yummy Pants | HumorOutcasts

The Tale of Mr. Yummy Pants

June 11, 2011


I haven’t always been known as Joseph Boxer. Truth be told, I have a more informal name. You see, I used to work for Corporate America, a professional pusher of papers, I wasn’t just a number… but a six-digit number. It was there that I earned the nickname “Mr. Yummy Pants.”

I wish there was a better story as to how I earned this moniker. Uncomfortably… it’s rooted in the admiration of a few older women, who noticed a certain lump in my dress pants. It was not a roll of singles, phallus happens. For a while, they called me “Gonzo”… the character from the Muppets. Apparently my female coworkers thought I was smuggling his face in my trousers. Once they realized how inappropriate this was… they righted their ship and dubbed me Mr. Yummy Pants. I find this odd since I never let them taste my britches… no matter how many times they asked.

I wish old people would just grow up and act like adults.

Joseph Boxer

JB is the author of Memoirs of a Serial Bachelor. He is a fan of all things manly — his girlfriend, beer, autos, and sports. He also dabbles in some pseudo-masculine endeavors, including men’s fashion and the resuscitation of chivalry. He recently canned his agent for being an unmotivated boat anchor and is currently looking for new management.

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4 Responses to The Tale of Mr. Yummy Pants

  1. June 11, 2011 at 4:16 pm

    This is why I wear loose fitting pants. It keeps the ladies’ minds from wandering.

    • June 12, 2011 at 10:23 pm

      You always have to keep women in check… otherwise, their minds will be in the gutter.

  2. June 11, 2011 at 1:24 pm

    Love the dancing stick figure! So many mysteries to learn about you. 🙂

    • June 12, 2011 at 10:23 pm

      I’m like a ninja, Donna. Thank you.

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