This morning hasn’t been the most chilled out morning I’ve ever had the misfortune of growling at. I’ve been trying to get the country to recognise a new bank holiday but apparently ‘Dislike Bon Jovi for any 3 of 676,679 reasons’ doesn’t exactly fit the criteria. This is everything that’s wrong with the world. Thirsty Dave knows a man who drinks with a friend of the brother of a Dentist who removed a tooth from the sister of a girl who sat on a train next to a guy in a suit who told him that if you become a saint, you have a chance of getting a bank holiday named after you.
With this in massively confused mind, I became the patron saint of Mockers. I then took my self appointed, saintly self to the powers that be but they still wouldn’t give me what I want and what I deserve. At this stage I done what any self respecting Mocker would do and decided to start a campaign to get Mocking taught in all schools. You’re not going to believe this but it’s actually harder to do this than it is to get the bank holiday! I know, if it wasn’t true, it would be unreal.
I then had breakfast and was going to head back to bed but I thought it was time Little Dill Y learned how to shave. Now some people might think that there’s no need for a 6 year old to learn how to shave but he’s mature for his age and goes on like a 7 year old. Anyway, I learned to shave when I was 41 and it done me no harm at all. I went to the press that contains interesting stuff and found the perfect learning tool for the occasion:
