The term Freedonia was popularized by the 1933 Marx Brothers movie Duck Soup, as a fictional country. Over time, however, the word has come to have a more generic meaning. Because the Marx Brothers’ Freedonia had so many qualities—autocracy, diminutiveness, and obscurity, to name but a few — a place can be described as “Freedonian” for having any one of these qualities. Ladies and gentlemen, I am here to tell you that I spent June 19th-June 21st as the undisputed King of Freedonia. That’s right. How many of you have ever been #1 in Jewish Fiction Free e-books? That’s what I thought. I can’t blame you for being jealous of all the perks I garnered from my lofty throne. It was sweet, I won’t lie. What can compare with spending three days glued to one’s computer screen while watching downloads accrue, taking short snack breaks only to analyze the per/hour download rate? Unlike the rest of you, I got to bask in the indescribable joy of seeing 200 hundred people snap up my work for free in a sixty minute time period, while my head throbbed and eyes went buggy. After a boffo first night, I went to bed with 3100 downloads and a massive headache, then woke up the next morning with 3600 downloads and the identical headache. By the second day, as I glided past the 4 and 5000 marks, all my muscles cramped and I became tense and irritable each time I attempted human interaction. Cruising into Day Three, I stopped speaking to people entirely, having come to the conclusion that my best friends were numbers.
And then, when I woke up on Day Four, the free download offer ended. I was forced to surrender my bejeweled crown and my kingdom, and go back to seeking renumeration for my services. On the upside, like Rufus T. Firefly — I’ll always have Freedonia.
I love that you are leaving for Cashland. I have a feeling you might set up permanent residence there. Believe it or not, it’s easier to live there!
I have applied for dual citizenship.
Hail, o Mighty King!
As your humble subject, I must confess to a crime. I did not contribute to your kingness. Yes, I now have your book on my lowly Kindle, but I … *gulp* … paid for it.
If you must arrest me, I pray you do not put me in the dungeon. I’m allergic to mold.
Kathy,
The king fully absolves you and thanks you for speaking up. Would that the other denizens of the kingdom fearlessly came forth as you did!
On to your next kingdom….
I’m leaving Freedonia for Cashland!
You had me at “boffo.” Hail King of Freedonia! I’m sure you noticed the precise moment I downloaded your book. King, indeed! I can’t wait to read it. Congratulations Bruce!
Thx Deb!
I’ll read your free books anytime; I might even pay for one! You deserved your short-lived throne.
Much appreciated Mike. Wish I could churn ‘em out fast, but that’s the TV game….