The Nobel Prize in Physics in 2017 will go to whoever can finish Angry Birds: Space | HumorOutcasts

The Nobel Prize in Physics in 2017 will go to whoever can finish Angry Birds: Space

December 5, 2016
By

SpelvinNobel

VIENNA – Due to a lack of qualified applicants, the Nobel Committee has recently announced the winner of the Physics Prize will be awarded to the first individual from any eligible nation that can successfully completely Angry Birds: Space without cheats.

Roxio, who produces the Angry Birds franchise, is honored their game is being highlighted as the new frontier of physic exploration.

“It’s a truly wonderful feeling knowing that our game mechanics are considered proper scientific reasoning.” Roxio said from a recent public release statement.

In part to a significant lack of funding in most modern educational institutions, as well as the widespread Common Core Curriculum, scientific progress has halted.  The Nobel Committee feels turning their attentions to technological physics can solve their candidacy issues.

The head of the Nobel Institute, Olav Njolstad said the change of direction is a sign of the evolutionary times.

“We live in a world where the major conflicts of scientific understanding are the effectiveness of throwing a bird of a slingshot into a row of explosive piggies.” he said at a press conference in Stockholm.

Currently, there are over one million individuals that are eligible for nomination, the institute said.  Anyone with a legitimate purchase of the mobile game can be invited among the selected; desktop and console players are ineligible as controllers present an unfair advantage.

Pirated and/or modded copies of the game are not eligible.

“Great physics is done through the flanges without interruption.” Njolstad commented.

The first fifty players to complete the game based on the November 2016 update release will be automatically added based on Roxio’s reporting.  The eligibility list will remain secret for at least 50 years, unless Roxio decides to shame the losers publicly and leak it.

The Nobel Committee will select the winner during its first meeting in 2017 based on its findings of high scores and speed runs.

An official announcement of the winner will be publicly announced in October.

Gwendolyn L. Spelvin

Gwendolyn L. Spelvin is a philosopher of the Edward Bernays Century of Self, a follower of Sigmund Freud’s explorations of the subconscious mind through chemical means, and an avid enthusiast of Adolph Hitler’s short-lived ballet career before he rose through the ranks of the Third Reich. Spelvin had dedicated her post academic career as an innovative writer that creates a written vision to prove misanthropic tendencies works with an audience, crafting a message that sways public approval towards her client’s products to the guarantee of the masses blindly supporting the company agenda without them knowing it. A dirty job, but someone has to pacify the idiots who know not what they blindly support into a continuing trek of oblivion. Last, but not least, Spelvin is a firm believer in the annihilation of the JUSTIN BELIBERS. Currently she is working on her cookbook, To Serve A Hot Man: Jeffrey Dahmer's Classic Recipes due out this Christmas.

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