Losing words? Here are some new ones | HumorOutcasts

Losing words? Here are some new ones

July 26, 2017
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When I can’t sleep, or if I get bored while driving, sometimes I’ll amuse myself by making up words. If getting older means I’m going to start forgetting words—or at least have trouble retrieving them as easily as I used to—then having a supply of brand-new ones is an advantage, right?

Finding the right word
sometimes means making it up.
Know what I’m saying?

Here are a few more I’ve come up with lately:

Aprickable—Relevant to pricks, as in “The GOP’s behavior is aprickable in regard to human decency”

Commammorate—To show respect for or celebrate breasts

Condamnation—What #45 did in the last election by promising to “Make America Great Again”

Cornudopia—An abundant supply of stupid people

Craptocracy—A government or state in which those in power are full of crap

Digestive fart failure—The inability to hold back flatulence after eating

Evanjelloical—Having militant or crusading zeal about Jello 

Freedom of peach—The inalienable right to eat a peach without censorship or restraint

Gerimeandering—When older people wander off beyond established boundaries

Grudgetarian—Someone who maintains a steady diet of ill will or resentment over a past insult or injury (as in, “The current president is a diehard grudgetarian”)

Indigenous peepholes—Naturally occurring knotholes or openings in pieces of wood

Infinitesticle—Having exceedingly tiny balls (literally and/or figuratively)

Javatar—The embodiment of being buzzed on caffeine

Materialipstick—Excessively concerned with possessing expensive lip color products

Misantrope—A person who dislikes and avoids the figurative or metaphorical use of a word or expression

Pee bargain—1. Negotiating for less time between bathroom breaks during a road trip. 2. Negotiating with the urinary gods that you make it to the bathroom in time when your bladder’s ready to burst (“Please-oh-please let me get to the bathroom in time so I don’t wet my pants; I promise to empty my bladder more frequently, especially after I drink coffee/tee/wine/water and before I leave the house/restaurant/bar…”).

Pissimistic—The quality of being arrogantly argumentative, angry or pissed off

Plantiful—Having many plants

Porcupain—The discomfort felt after you or your pet gets nailed by a porcupine’s quills

Post-tooth world—Circumstances in which actual teeth are less influential in shaping someone’s opinion of you than are fake ones (i.e., dental implants, caps, veneers or dentures)

Prejudick—A stupid, mean person who holds a preconceived opinion not based on reason or actual experience

Protubarants—Tirades in support of the largest musical instrument in the brass family

Punditz—Someone who claims to be an expert on a particular topic but is actually scatterbrained and silly; often seen on certain cable news shows

Ridiculips—Lips that have been injected with too much dermal filler (think Goldie Hawn in “The First Wives Club”)

Rum yourself ragged—To consume too many Dark and Stormies (or any rum drink, for that matter)

Scallopsism—The view or theory that the scallop is all that can be known to exist

Schlepotism—Relying on relatives or friends to haul or carry stuff for you

Serendipbooty—The pleasant, unexpected surprise of discovering that you can still fit your ass in jeans you’ve had for years

Skid-addled—The confusion you feel after your car comes out of a skid on the ice

Strepidation—The feeling of dread that your sore throat is actually a strep infection

Teat-totaller—What breastfeeding can be

Topical depression—When a group of opinionated people come together under the right conditions for a long enough time to organize into a circular flow of hot hair

Unreprohensile—Incapable of grasping the concept of reproductive rights

Vixenate—To inoculate a man against sexually attractive women who aren’t his spouse (as in, “Mike Pence needs to be vixenated so he can be alone with a woman who isn’t his wife”)

Vosnifferous—Characterized by noisy breathing or inhaling

Thoughts? Got some words of your own to add to the vernacular? Please share!

Read more of my humor here.

 

Roxanne Jones

Roxanne Jones blogs at www.boomerhaiku.com, a mostly light-hearted, often irreverent look at life as a baby boomer, 17 syllables at a time. When she’s not tapping out haikus, she’s a freelance medical copywriter, enjoys chardonnay and contemplates plastic surgery to get rid of the wattle on her neck.

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6 Responses to Losing words? Here are some new ones

  1. July 27, 2017 at 8:46 pm

    ROFL!!! Very funny!!!

  2. July 27, 2017 at 5:21 pm

    These are all great, Roxanne! It’s hard to pick my favorite.But I do like ridiculips. I’ve seen a lot of that in the entertainment world lately!

    • July 28, 2017 at 2:00 pm

      Ooh, I can only imagine, Karen! Thanks for commenting.

  3. Denise
    July 27, 2017 at 7:15 am

    Not only are you very funny, but very clever. I think should be submitted to Webster’s Dictionary. Does that even exist any more?

    • July 28, 2017 at 2:01 pm

      Why, thank you, Denise! I think Webster’s still exists, but our vernacular seems to change so fast, I’m not sure how up-to-date the print version can be!



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