A Day in the Life of a Chocolate Frosting Addict | HumorOutcasts

A Day in the Life of a Chocolate Frosting Addict

May 11, 2011
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Well, it’s happened again.  I gave into my temptation. It is my own fault. I baked the cake, and I insisted on using two different colored frostings – yes, they were Betty Crocker canned frostings, but they are my favorite. There was a lot of chocolate left over, and it didn’t seem right to let it go to waste– right?  I thought about the starving children in the third world who would love to eat my chocolate frosting. I also wondered if the starving children in the first and second world would like my frosting too. Where exactly are the first and second worlds?  Anyway, to be honest, it’s not that I would give any of them my frosting. I am pretty protective over my frosting. I would give them real food, and I am assuming my donations to the Red Cross go for exactly that. I would be a little disappointed if they took my pledge and turned it into chocolate frosting.

Anyway, I had a bad day. I was trying to write an article, and my “star” of the article would not cooperate. Not only was she ticked off that she had to be interviewed, but she made it clear that she was confident that she was a better writer than me.  After all, she took a creative writing class at the community college annex, and the teacher told her she was dripping with talent.  Yes, “dripping” was the word she used.

I let her words go in one ear and out the other, but then she said the strangest thing. She said she was so sure of her writing ability that she wanted to edit the article that I was writing about her.  I almost spit out my coffee. But I told her politely,

“You will have to take that up with my editor.”

To which she said,

“What would your editor know?”

To which I said,

“I think plenty. That is why she is an editor.”

Then, in a very sweet voice, I said a mean thing: I asked the writing phenom where she was published. When she answered, “I write for my church bulletin”, I told her that a church bulletin is not considered being published, and she should keep her day job.

I probably shouldn’t have said that aloud, but she had it coming.  It did shut her up, and I did finish the interview, but then I had to relay what I said to my editor who laughed uncontrollably and then said we might have to pay for that remark.  I said, “I know, but really–the church bulletin?” She laughed again and we made plans to meet for drinks in two weeks.

Oh, yes, the chocolate frosting –I’m getting there. All the aggravation from the wannabe writer chick triggered my need to eat the leftover chocolate frosting.  As I was spooning it out of the can, a sense of calm and euphoria came over me. The day took on an entirely new spin.  I felt empowered, satisfied and – to be honest- a bit buzzed. I guess all the sugar finally hit me about halfway through the can.

I took advantage of the sugar high and completed research for two more articles and then mowed my lawn – yes, all from a can of chocolate frosting.  My only worry about my chocolate frosting habit is that the government will find out about the buzz factor and want to label it as some kind of mood-enhancing drug and force me to go to rehab with Lindsay Lohan.  Just in case this happens, I have been hoarding my frosting. I have multiple flavors hidden in my pantry.  Yes, it’s true, while some people keep emergency survival kits filled with bandages, water and beans, I keep frosting.  When you think about it, I would be a lot more pleasant to spend survival with than the person who only ingests beans.

Anyway, I have to go do an interview for another article.  But I am prepared.  I have my coffee and a can of frosting on my desk.  That should get me through the day until I go to gym and oh yeah, my root canal.  Oh, in the words of my dentist, “Frosting? You eat frosting? This root canal you do deserve.”

 

Donna Cavanagh

Donna Cavanagh is founder of HumorOutcasts.com (HO) and the partner publishing company, HumorOutcasts Press which now includes the labels Shorehouse Books and Corner Office Books (HOPress-Shorehousebooks.com). As "den mother" to the more than 100 aspiring and accomplished writers, producers, comics and authors, Cavanagh's goal is to allow creativity to flow. She is a former journalist who made an unscheduled stop into humor more than 20 years ago. Her syndicated columns helped her gain a national audience when her work landed in the pages of First Magazine and USA Today. She teaches the how-to lessons of humor and publishing at conferences and workshops throughout the country including The Philadelphia Writers' Conference and Erma Bombeck Writers Workshop. The author of four humor books, Cavanagh hopes her latest book, How to Write and Share Humor: Techniques to Tickle Funny Bones and Win Fans, will encourage writers not only to embrace their humor talents but show them off as well.

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25 Responses to A Day in the Life of a Chocolate Frosting Addict

  1. May 16, 2011 at 8:16 am

    I always kept a can of frosting in my refrigerator. I had a one-spoonful rule, and I stuck to it. Then the kids found my stash. So I had to hide it. My kids were super sleuths, though. Eventually I just gave up buying the stuff. Now I crave Sweet Baby Ray’s BBQ Sauce. I have a one-finger rule, and I stick to it 😉

    • May 16, 2011 at 8:28 am

      We all need our stash, no matter what it is! I don’t even pretend about the one-spoon rule

  2. Deb Martin-Webster
    May 13, 2011 at 6:54 pm

    Hi, my name is Deb and I’m a lemon frosting addict. I spread it on cookies,toast, but mostly I just lick it off my pointer finger. Great story Donna, LOL!!

    • May 13, 2011 at 7:28 pm

      Okay, I love lemon too. LOL This is why I have to go to the gym four times a week. It is punishment for my frosting habit.

  3. jack_sass
    May 12, 2011 at 11:26 pm

    Hmm… I wonder if they make chocolate favored beer??? Just say’n. 😉

    • June 5, 2011 at 10:10 am

      Jack, a local brewery teamed up with a chocolatier and made a chocolate beer for Valentine’s Day. They sold out the first day at $8 a bottle! Needless to say I didn’t get any…sigh!

      • Jack Sass
        June 5, 2011 at 3:06 pm

        Those bastards!!! They need to make more, I’d pay the price. 🙂

  4. GOLDIEC
    May 12, 2011 at 1:34 pm

    Donna, I love to read your funny articles! I’ve always loved Betty Crocker frosting! I like the vanilla though. That could definitely get me through the day. I bet Zoey would love frosting too!

    • May 12, 2011 at 1:39 pm

      I love Vanilla too, Nancy. I love the cream cheese flavor and the fudge and classic white. HA HA. I would gladly share any frosting I have with Zoey! LOL Thanks so much for reading! 🙂

      • NANCY CZERWINSKI
        May 12, 2011 at 4:07 pm

        I guess they will have to call us frosting junkies! That’s okay with me though because there are worse things in life! LOL

  5. May 12, 2011 at 12:20 pm

    I’m guessing your interviewee was younger than you. Maybe not, be she was certainly less mature! Sugar and chocolate are two great friends to console you in time of need. When these are the consolation “prizes”, I feel like a winner! Do you write humorous interviews?

  6. May 11, 2011 at 7:56 pm

    Donna,

    As the best writer in the world, I’m still waiting to be published. Did I mention that I’m also a legend in my own mind?

    I can’t believe that there is someone else who eats cake frosting right out of the can. I thought that I was the only one. Wow, now I know I’m not as strange as my wife claims.

    P.S. I also eat peanut butter right out of the jar too.

    • May 11, 2011 at 8:09 pm

      Matty, maybe you really are a legend and the world has yet to grasp it and it’s only a matter of time. I believe that and yes, I also eat peanut butter out of the jar. I need no bread. LOL

    • May 11, 2011 at 8:10 pm

      Do you write? Where are you posted?

  7. Fran
    May 11, 2011 at 4:02 pm

    Oh, but think what a great interview you could get from Lindsay.

    • May 11, 2011 at 4:10 pm

      Yes, Fran, you are so right. It would be worth the stint in rehab! 🙂

  8. lbwoodgate
    May 11, 2011 at 2:33 pm

    Yes, I used similar excuses when I found myself gorging deep fried butter at the Texas State Fair last year.

    • May 11, 2011 at 4:12 pm

      I just interviewed a food VP at an amusement park for a story I am doing, and he told me about deep fried butter. Did you feel your arteries clog up after the first bite? 🙂

  9. Kathy Minicozi
    May 11, 2011 at 10:58 am

    Oh, by the way … if I am ever at your house, you can have the chocolate frosting if you let me have the vanilla.

  10. Kathy Minicozi
    May 11, 2011 at 10:57 am

    I guess the difference between me and your interviewee is that no creative writing professor ever told me I was “dripping with talent.” I tend to hear things like, “When you first told me what your story was going to be about I thought, ‘No!’ But you made it work.” It has also been hinted to me that it is not okay to write something in a certain way just because it’s funny.

    I think it’s time to get some second opinions. 😉

    • May 11, 2011 at 11:06 am

      Definitely, we need some second opinions. I think that person told you not to write funny because maybe he or she can’t. I have Vanilla – regular and French Vanilla – you can choose! 🙂

      • Kathy Minicozi
        May 11, 2011 at 11:17 am

        The creative writing classes I have been taking have been at Columbia University, where I work. I have been taking advantage of the employee tuition benefit. I have learned a great deal and my writing has grown in leaps and bounds, but academic types look down on some forms of writing as not being “literary” or “artistic” enough. They tend to put humor writing into that “tch tch” category, along with Stephen King.

        • May 11, 2011 at 11:39 am

          well, for all their knowledge, they are asses. Humor is one of the most difficult genres and professors who say otherwise don’t get my respect no matter where they teach.

          • Kathy Minicozi
            May 11, 2011 at 11:50 am

            I agree. Very few writers have the gift of being funny, and those of us who do have this gift should nurture and cherish it. Some of my real writer heroes (aside from Mark Twain, James Thurber and other classic humorists) are people like Garrison Keillor and Erma Bombeck.

          • May 11, 2011 at 9:43 pm

            I’m so glad I had two awesome English professors in college who encouraged me to be as creative and funny as I wanted to be.



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