Getting Too Attached | HumorOutcasts

Getting Too Attached

April 25, 2011
By

I got a notice in the mail that it is almost time to hand in my leased Ford Escape.  I am so upset by this; I love my car. I was sort of hoping that Ford would forget that my lease is coming due and just let me keep my Escape. Do they really need my car back? With all the troubles out there in Detroit, will my little Escape make that big a difference? 

Yes, it’s plain to see I am attached to my car, but let me explain why. First, it has leather seats. In truth, I could care about the material of the seats but not the seat warmers inside those seats. They make the leather so comfortable and toasty. Yes, when it is cold outside, I push a button, and my butt gets warm within seconds. This butt warming  has become a luxury I cannot live without. 

Also, my car has Sirius radio and I love the selection that comes with that. My pre-set program buttons range from the opera to Bruce Springsteen. Whatever my mood, I have music to match. And last, but certainly not least, my Ford Escape has backup sensors. When I put my car in reverse, it will make a  BEEP, BEEP, BEEP sound if I get too close to other cars or more important – wandering pedestrians. To be honest, I don’t know if I remember how to backup without the sensors anymore, and I don’t think it’s a good idea to just cut me loose and make  me attempt backing up on my own after so many years of guided reverse assistance. 

This is not the first time I have experienced angst in giving back a car.  I traded in my van three years ago to get this Escape.  My Villager was 10 years old and had racked up more than 180,000 miles. I cried when I handed over the keys to my van.  There were so many memories in that car. But as much as I loved that van, it was not without its liabilities.  The repairs on that vehicle helped my mechanic build his summer home.  I have  a rule when it comes to cars. When I have reached the point where I have  provided the down payment on any of my mechanic’s real estate holdings, it is time for a new car. 

Believe it or not, I was the one who suggested leasing a car.  And my husband was not on board right away, but  I was tired of breaking down on highways and roads. The final straw occurred on I-95 in the midst of winter.  The latch on the sliding passenger door on the van decided not to work and I had to drive in below freezing weather on a major highway with my back door open.  I have never been so cold. I was cursing through my chattering teeth, and I promised myself that if I made it home in one piece, I would give up the van and get a car that had working doors. 

So, here I am again getting teary eyed over another car. I know that I will eventually warm up to a new car and my tears of despair will cease to flow especially if I get one of those cars that parallel parks itself or has pick-your- own-dashboard- lights-color feature.  Yes, sometimes I might like pink or orange or green. Different dashboard lights add some excitement to driving.

I am going to try and not get attached to a new vehicle. I won’t name it or call it “my baby”. No, I am going to look at this car strictly as a business relationship.  If it works hard for me, I will give it gas and oil changes and  maybe once a year I’ll get it detailed at the car wash of its choice as a bonus. Yes, I am going to be tough and when three years comes around, I will happily hand over the keys and accept a new car in return.  Or just  maybe – I might still cry.  Damn cars. They are nothing but trouble.

photo by Takeshi

Donna Cavanagh

Donna Cavanagh is founder of HumorOutcasts.com (HO) and the partner publishing company, HumorOutcasts Press which now includes the labels Shorehouse Books and Corner Office Books (HOPress-Shorehousebooks.com). As "den mother" to the more than 100 aspiring and accomplished writers, producers, comics and authors, Cavanagh's goal is to allow creativity to flow. She is a former journalist who made an unscheduled stop into humor more than 20 years ago. Her syndicated columns helped her gain a national audience when her work landed in the pages of First Magazine and USA Today. She teaches the how-to lessons of humor and publishing at conferences and workshops throughout the country including The Philadelphia Writers' Conference and Erma Bombeck Writers Workshop. The author of four humor books, Cavanagh hopes her latest book, How to Write and Share Humor: Techniques to Tickle Funny Bones and Win Fans, will encourage writers not only to embrace their humor talents but show them off as well.

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11 Responses to Getting Too Attached

  1. Deb Martin-Webster
    April 26, 2011 at 8:42 pm

    Get a Hooptie no payments,no attachment, no worries! LOL!

    • April 26, 2011 at 8:47 pm

      HA HA I know. I had a hoopta but I couldn’t take the breakdowns anymore. I love cars that really work. LOL

  2. Mayor Lund
    April 25, 2011 at 9:13 pm

    Get something with out leather seats, those leather will make your private area sweat and attract fly, again. You know what hell those flies put you through last summer.

    • April 25, 2011 at 9:14 pm

      You are gross! LOL That is all I have to say on this one. Funny, but gross.

      • Mayor Lund
        April 25, 2011 at 9:20 pm

        Your just jealous cos the fly don’t follow me. OK keep the damned leather and buy a flea collar.

        • April 25, 2011 at 9:22 pm

          You have way too much time in the trailer park, Mayor.

          • Mayor Lund
            April 25, 2011 at 9:26 pm

            Trust me the only ones in the trailer park with leather seats are on welfare and what do they call that? _____ Rich?

  3. Theresa Wiza
    April 25, 2011 at 6:08 pm

    My current car was given to me by my father when my previous car died. This one has approximately 116,000 miles on it and is 9 years old. It’s going to last until I sell a screenplay or something 😉

    • April 25, 2011 at 6:10 pm

      Well, Theresa – start shopping! 😉

  4. April 25, 2011 at 2:57 pm

    I’m enjoying no car payments for the time being. My husband’s car is 11 years old, but still kicking. Mine is 3 years newer. It gets me where I need to go, and that’s all I really care about. That being said, pink dashboard lights would be cool. 🙂

    • April 25, 2011 at 3:04 pm

      I liked the no car payment thing too until I got hit with a few $1500 repair bills. Then a car payment and peace of mind seemed like the way to go. LOL



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