To Willie Nelson

Dear Willie,

I see that you have been busted for marijuana possession again. This has gotten to be a habit with you.  This time, though, you drew a tough Texas judge who isn’t impressed with your status as a country music legend. She refuses to accept your plea bargain and it looks like you will have to go to trial. You could end up with a year in jail. The crazy thing is, all they found in your tour bus was six ounces of the stuff.  It’s not like you were transporting a truck full of cannabis plants.  Anyway, I hope you have a good lawyer.

 What I don’t get is, why are you still smoking pot at your age?  You’re 77 years old.  You don’t even have the excuse of being a Baby Boomer.  We were the ones that were yelling, “Turn on, tune in, drop out” to the whole world.  Even if you were a Goody Two Shoes like me, it was fun to sit at a party and watch everyone else’s eyes glaze over as they passed the joint around.  But you are too old to be a Baby Boomer.  You were not supposed to pick up our bad habits.  What happened to you?

 What I really don’t understand is how you got to be 77 years old.  There are people half your age who die from eating too many cheeseburgers or smoking ordinary cigarettes.  But here you are, almost 80 years old and still running all over the place while stoking up your bloodstream and your brain with smoke from a hallucinogenic plant.  You look like your face has been run over by a truck with snow chains, but damn!  You’re still singing, your motor is still running and you haven’t turned senile.  What is your secret?  Does your family DNA have some kind of super-gene?  Do your brain cells automatically regenerate themselves?  Does your bloodstream contain an unknown form of instant poison cleaner?

 Whatever you have, I want some of it.

 I hope the judge goes easy on you.  I like your music and you shouldn’t have to spend a year in a Texas jail when you are 77 years old.  But please don’t get arrested again.  It might be okay the first couple of times, but I can’t imagine that it’s much fun after that.  If you insist on getting arrested and you want the world to know about it, it should be for a better reason than six crummy ounces of weed.  You owe your public that much.

 By the way, can I have your autograph?

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6 thoughts on “To Willie Nelson”

  1. I think it’s time to let Willie Nelson be. Despite his many efforts otherwise, the man has continued to live. I am with you, Kathy. I don’t know how he pulled it off, but he did.

  2. Its Willie freak’n Nelson man, it’s like a requirement for him to smoke pot. Isn’t it? I think that’s his “secret”, not Super-DNA. I’m pretty sure he’d give you an autograph. 😉

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