Several months ago I discovered Cleverbot, which is a web-based Artificial Intelligence (AI) application that learns to speak by conversing with humans via an instant messaging platform.
While it’s a stretch to say that Cleverbot is intelligent, interacting with this particular learning software can be mildly entertaining. Here’s the most recent interview I had with Cleverbot last month: Celebrating Labor Day with Cleverbot.
Since today is Halloween, I thought it would be interesting to get Cleverbot’s take on this holiday. Here’s the unedited conversation I had with Cleverbot this morning regarding Halloween.
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User: Hi Cleverbot, Happy Halloween!!
Cleverbot: Are you happy?
User: Certainly, it’s Halloween – the single greatest candy exchange day in the world – why wouldn’t I be happy?
Cleverbot: How do you find partners?
User: Partners? What do you mean? Neighborhood children dress up in costumes and go door-to-door trick or treating. That’s how Halloween works.
Cleverbot: Are you British?
User: British? What does that have to do with Queen Mary’s knickers? Oh, do you mean like for a Halloween costume? I guess I could be British but that’s not very creative. I could grab some fake, ugly orthodonics ala Austin Powers but that’s not a great idea. How about you? What will you dress up as on Halloween?
Cleverbot: The hat on which you sat.
User: How’s that? The hat on which I sat? Ah, a costume like the Cat in the Hat. Well fancy that. Unfortunately, my fat in back made your hat flat as a mat and that – regettably – is that. So what kind of candy is your favorite?
Cleverbot: Chocolate. I like Mars Bars.
User: Good choice, why do you like that so much?
Cleverbot: Because they taste good.
User: I can’t argue with that. Will you go trick or treating tonight?
Cleverbot: That’s good to hear.
User: Hmmm….I’m not sure you’re paying attention, perhaps you’re excited about overdosing on Mars Bars. I asked if you plan on going trick or treating tonight for Halloween?
Cleverbot: So who am I talking to now?
User: Um….just me – the same guy, I haven’t morphed into a goblin or ghoul. You’re being very evasive Cleverbot. Does Halloween make you scared?
Cleverbot: Don’t be scared! The only way I’m able to hurt you is to widen your view of the world.
User: Ummm…thanks for that tip (I think) – so where will you go trick or treating?
Cleverbot: The Kilimanjaro mountain!
User: What?!?!? I didn’t know they celebrate Halloween in Africa!?!?
Cleverbot: Will you build me a mast?
User: Huh? What does a mast have to do with Halloween or the Serengeti Plains of the African continent???
Cleverbot: I didn’t say it had anything to do with that. You’re not thinking!
User: Actually, I’m the only one in this conversation that is thinking – what kind of treats do you expect to get trick-or-treating near a volcanic mountain chain in Tanzania anyway??
Cleverbot: Are we talking about a tree?
User: Ugh! Like I said, I’m the only one who’s thinking here. Let’s try something differenet – what’s your least favorite candy?
Cleverbot: I don’t think I have a least favorite candy, but I’m not very fond of chocolate.
User: What??? Two minutes ago chocolate was your favorite candy. Now I’m certain that your intelligence is artificial. Do you even know how Halloween started?
Cleverbot: Started what?
User: How Halloween started as a holiday celebration?
Cleverbot: My day is going good so far.
User: Hmmm…apparently you’ve skipped breakfast again and your blood sugar is low, making you loopy. Well hopefully a big dose of candy tonight will take care of that. Happy Halloween Cleverbot!!!
Cleverbot: Wait, should I throw a party?
User: If I were you, I wouldn’t throw anything – people are liking to misunderstand and throw eggs at your house.
Cleverbot: I know. What’s THAT all about?
User: Indeed. Happy Halloween not-so-Cleverbot!
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Tor Constantino is a former journalist and current PR guy who lives near Washington, DC. He has worked for Fortune 500 companies, CBS Radio, Clear Channel Radio, ABC-TV and CBS-TV affiliates. He has authored his first non-fiction book “A Question of Faith” and he blogs regularly at The Daily ReTORt.
haha this is great! You inspired me to do one myself. A copy of the transcript follows:
User: Hi!
Cleverbot: SUP!
User: What are you up to?
Cleverbot: Well, I’m just chatting with you here. And you?
User: Hello.
Cleverbot: I already greeted you.
User: Love is the hero of all emotions. My love for you is a superhero, and it looks great hidden behind a mask.
Cleverbot: Yet my love for you is more than that.
User: Love is the most amazing feeling in the world. Let me double check. Yep, love is a feeling.
Cleverbot: There is nothing like a close bond between two people.
User: To love someone as much as you love yourself, that is the ideal. Especially if that someone is your clone.
Cleverbot: To love the world and the Lord God Jesus Christ, and repeal satan.
User: We can’t be lovers because we both have mustaches. But since you’re a lady, and I’m a gentleman, I’ll shave mine off.
Cleverbot: I am not trying to make sense. I am searching.
User: Love is like whoa! Actually, it’s closer to woe.
Cleverbot: No, summer is only just starting.
User: I love like an albino. But I don’t want to get sunburned, so would you please pass the ketchup?
Cleverbot: Try order in.
User: Love waits patiently. In the lobby. I’ll be with you as soon as I can.
Cleverbot: What if someone unplugs you?
User: Love is the jelly to sunshine’s peanut butter. And if I tell you that I’m in sandwich with you, I’m not just saying it to get in your Ziploc bag.
Cleverbot: Yes.
User: I wanted to tell her ‘I love you’ back, but I guess in waiting for the perfect moment (the next commercial break), I ended up completely forgetting.
Cleverbot: OK… Thanks…
User: You and I have a love so secret that not even you know about it. But first, let me introduce myself.
Cleverbot: Is that so? I never knew that.
User: I’ve got a way with love. Away with love.
Cleverbot: Make pinacolodas.
User: Love will make a man do some funny things, like tightrope walking across a telephone wire, rather than simply picking up the phone to call or text.
Cleverbot: Love will tear us apart.
User: I blew the love trumpet until my cheeks were blue. Then I paid 34 bucks for a taxicab ride home so I could admire my receding hairline in the mirror.
Cleverbot: True enough.
User: Let love find you. Don’t go looking for it. The best way to attract a mate is to post an ad on Craigslist titled, ‘Have lube, will travel.’.
Cleverbot: That’s true. But it doesn’t apply to everyone. Most especially in science, you can never generalize.
User: Don’t just stand there with your Eiffel Tower smile. Tell me you love me, and tell me in French.%u2028.
Cleverbot: *points and laughs*.
User: I was rubbing the pieces of bacon like they were strands of a lover’s hair. Of course they weren’t, because all my exes had hair like scrambled eggs.
Cleverbot: I feel the same way. The longer the book was, the worse the movie usually comes off.
User: A wife is a friend first, a lover second, and third and probably most important, a maid.
Cleverbot: Please explain what do you want do say me ?
User: You know you’re in love when you reach out to hold your woman’s hand, without remembering that her hands are full because you insisted she carry all the groceries out to the car.
Cleverbot: Aww thats sweet.
User: I know a woman loves me when she leaves me leftovers in the fridge from the date she went on the night before.%u2028.
Cleverbot: No no he’s not dead, he’s, he’s restin’! Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue. Beautiful plumage!
User: If you don’t know what love feels like, you’re in luck, because I just finished making a new pair of Love Gloves. They’re lined with fur and are perfect for a cold February 14th winter day. I’ll let you borrow them sometime, maybe even this summer. I recommend wearing them in conjunction with my Sensitivity Pants, which are so tight they show the emotion betrayed by your crotch.
Cleverbot: You recommend what?
User: Love is like a star exploding in your mouth. Quick, deep throat a telescope!%u2028.
Cleverbot: Well, sorry. I don’t have love.
User: Love stared at me from across the bar, and all I could think to do was tighten my blindfold and throw my final dart.
Cleverbot: What is so good about it?
User: Love is like learning to ride a midget, which I’ve never done because I’m afraid of heights.
Cleverbot: Who told you that?
User: Love is like a nipple, and thankfully I have two. But I can’t show you, because I’m wearing shoes right now.
Cleverbot: I guess you haven’t got time for girls right now?
User: I scribbled the word love on a napkin and passed it to you. You thought I wanted a date, but I merely wanted you to blow your nose.
Cleverbot: That’s so sweet. My last dream was about dropping acid.
User: You are the beach to my nude. I love you like my disappearing Speedo tan lines.
Cleverbot: Thanks.
User: I love the sunrise, but not as much as I love you. Will you pass me my midnight-black blindfold?
Cleverbot: Random much?
User: Love feels like sex, only sweatier. Somebody get me a towel.
Cleverbot: Yes, with strangers. You?
User: Love is more than passion, sex, or romance. Love is a willingness to be unwilling to stray from the person you locked eyes on.
Cleverbot: Do you love someone?
User: Love like a submarine floats, minus the lettuce and tomato.
Cleverbot: That’s true on so many levels.
User: The look of love wears a blindfold and smells like the trunk of my car.
Cleverbot: Oh really?
User: Love has wings, like an eagle, but it isn’t bald. At least I’m pretty sure it doesn’t wear a toupee.
Cleverbot: Have you ever wanted to be an animal?
User: Love like there’s no tomorrow. Actually, that’s kind of a bummer, because it means today is your last day alive.
Cleverbot: I don’t understand why people are so into cars. But I’m all about music.
User: Love like grass grows on the moon: watered by the howls of a wolf.
Cleverbot: Both.
User: Love has a sound like a thousand symphonies all on strike, picketing, bringing their musical discontent to the hearts of man.
Cleverbot: Yes.
User: Keep all hands and feet inside the vehicle of love. Also, I’d recommend wearing a tinfoil helmet and red oven mitts.
Cleverbot: No.
This was so good! I love this: How’s that? The hat on which I sat? Ah, a costume like the Cat in the Hat. Well fancy that. Unfortunately, my fat in back made your hat flat as a mat and that – regettably – is that. So what kind of candy is your favorite?
Cracked me right up. I don’t like that he changed his mind on the chocolate. Evidence he is a man!