You’re Ready for the Holiday Season When…

Here we are — another holiday season filled with kindness and good cheer.  So, get ready to bring the spirit of Christmas to all those around you.  In order to truly be a holiday reveler you must complete at least one of the following:

1.Start a physical confrontation with another driver, which requires police intervention, after losing a parking space at the filled-to- capacity mall.

2.Grab a 70 percent off sweater out of the hands of an arthritic, 80-year-old woman and then tell her to “Go to hell” when she protests.

3.Tell the Salvation Army Santa to “Drop dead” when he asks you to remember the less fortunate as you race past him when walking into Walmart.

4.Scream at the store associate ringing up your merchandise because you had to stand in a long line because she apparently forgot that your life is so much more important than everyone else’s life and you should never have to wait in line.

5.You go into a cursing tirade when anyone says Happy Holidays or Merry Xmas instead of Merry Christmas because the birth of the Savior is why we have Christmas and everyone else can just suck it up and accept this or burn in hell.

And last but not least:

6.You give Walnut-filled  Christmas cookies to your cantankerous neighbor who yelled at you for putting your trash cans too close to his, even though you know he has a fatal allergy to nuts.