Excerpt from my upcoming book “Coaches, Characters and Mascots!” here’s Mike Gundy right after his “I’m a Man” blowup. The speech was aimed at Daily Oklahoman sports writer, Jenni Carlson. We suspected there might have been a little more going on than meets the eye.
Silliman on Sports
By Stan Silliman
Gump and Jenni
“Jenni, I may not be a smart man… but I know what love is.”
“But I saw your quarterback eating chicken.”
“Chicken? Jenni?! Are you sure it was chicken… and not shrimp? We feed all our players Bubba Gump Shrimp. Jenni, do you how many ways you can prepare shrimp?”
“No, his mother was feeding him chicken… from a box.”
“Jenni, my mother always said a football team is like… a box… of chocolates.”
“Is it because some of your players are nuts?”
“No, Jenni, it’s because most… of them… are black.”
“You yelled at me the other day.”
“I know, Jenni. I yelled because I was telling you about the garbage.”
“Garbage? Yes, I heard you say GARBAGE!”
“Well, they hadn’t picked it up, Jenni. They hadn’t picked it up.”
“But you embarrassed me in front of my co-workers.”
“Jenni, if there is garbage, you need know about it.”
“I swear, Gump, sometimes you act just like a little kid.”
“Jenni! You know better. I’m a man.”
“Are you doing this again?”
“Jenni! I’m a man. I’m forty.”
“So you’re going out with the other coaches? What if you don’t get a ride home?”
“You can come after me. I’m a man.”
“You are yelling again, Gump. You know how that makes me feel. It’s offensive. When you yell, it the world’s greatest offense. So will you stop yelling?”
“Jenni, I don’t have to.”
“But, at least you can tell me why you are yelling.”
“Jenni. Jenni, I don’t have to.”
“But I need to know what’s wrong, what you think is wrong.”
“Jenni, I don’t have to. I’m a man. I’m forty.”
“Gump, do I need Lt. Dan to kick your butt?”
“Jenni!! You know Dan can’t kick. He got no legs and you should know somebody from Dan’s family had fought and died in every single American war. He had a lot to live up to.”
“Well, I still don’t like you yelling at me… yelling at me in front of my peers.”
“I had to tell you ‘bout the garbage. It was GARBAGE, Jenni.”
“And I suppose you are going to say ‘you’re a man’ again.”
“Jenni? You know if I see garbage, it almost makes me puke.”
“Oh…. Gump. You know I can’t stay mad at you.”
“Oh…. Jenni.”