Jesus: Our poll numbers are not looking good. People all over the world are gradually giving up on us.
God: That’s ridiculous! After all we’ve done for them? Sure, I like to fuck shit up with tornadoes, hurricanes, tsunamis, volcanoes, widespread famine and poverty… but what are ya gonna do? My Planet, My Rules.
Jesus: I think we need some miracles or something. To bring the people back toward us.
God: What do you have in mind?
Jesus: Well, Haiti is really fucked up still. We could fix that.
God: (Yawn) What else?
Jesus: Africa is a total clusterfuck. Genocides and all…
Jesus: Iraq? Afghanistan?
Jesus: We could move a mountain like we talked about in the bible… Remember how faith is supposed to be able to move mountains? Then people would surely believe!
God: I’ve got it! Remember that Jim Tebow fella? Plays for the Nuggets…
Jesus: You mean Tim Tebow. He plays for the Broncos. Football. What about him?
God: Right, football. Let’s make him win a playoff game and make him throw for 316 yards. Get it? Like Luke 3:16!
Jesus: You mean John 3:16.
God: Whatever. The one that says I totally rule.
Jesus: Actually that one says…never mind. But wouldn’t people just see that as a mild coincidence? I mean, the guy wins the Heisman Trophy and a couple of National Championships. It’s not like’s Richard Simmons. And 316 yards is good, but not something that anyone would deem a miracle. I don’t think anyone would even notice…
God: It’s so cute how you overestimate them!